Monday, March 10, 2008

AHA: Ikea fans

Certified AssHatShe's back with a bang - second post back and I'm already throwing an AssHat Award at someone. In fact, I'm giving out a bunch of 'em to a bunch of people!

This apparently is the MOST IMPORTANT news of the day in Cincinnati, because it was the main headline on Cincinnati.com this afternoon: "Line forms early for Ikea." You've got to f**king kidding me...

(Details and pic after the jump.)

To quote Cincinnati.com's caption for this photo:

Some very eager (and tired) shoppers are camping out today to be among the first inside Ikea's new West Chester Township store, which opens at 9 a.m. Wednesday. Here's everything you'll need to know about the grand opening.

* Video: Putting your purchase together
* A shopping primer | Store map
* How to shop at Ikea | Photos
Apparently the economy's not in the sh*tter enough if people still have the time and disposable income to take two days and nights out of productive society to spend it sitting on their asses in front of a place where they're planning on spending lots of money on crappy particle-board furniture.

Now, I'm not advocating that anyone should do a drive-by on these wastes-of-flesh or anything, but I'm sure few would miss them in the gene pool.

So AssHat Awards all around!
- To Cincinnati.com and whatever associated media that thought this was actually news - you should be ashamed.
- To everyone who's gonna cram their fat asses through the sliding doors on opening day looking like a rabid trailer-trash grandma looking for the last Cabbage Patch Kid - you're probably the same jackasses that line-up for an opening of the local chapter of the Golden Corral (or Golden Trough, as I like to call it).
- To everyone sitting there in line two days before the opening - I hope your flat-pack Crappka or Hurll chair breaks under the wait of your fat ass.

BONUS ROUND: Anyone know the reference in the last picture of the post?

10 Comments:

Kevin LeMaster said...

You said it. I don't get the hype, either, and no store could ever be worth camping out for!

LDP said...

I'm moving to West Chester, just to be near it. Plus, there's an Olive Garden!

Julie said...

I like Ikea and all, but seriously. It's cheap, somewhat fashionable furniture. I guess we don't have that here, but maybe the furniture on craigslist will improve...

CincyBlurg said...

Confession: I own some Ikea stuff, but it's the small things like lamps and other accessories. If Ikea was around (nearby) when I was in college, then great, I would probably have thought it was the best thing since Sams Club. But you can often find solid wood furniture for the same price or just a little more than they want to charge, so if you have the funds, why bother?

Of course not at Pottery Barn and Crate n' Barrel - there you can get the same particle-board crap (with an antique look instead of Scandinavian geometry) and pay 10x Ikea's price. But if you shop around you can find some really good deals on solid wood - like Woodcraft or Oak Express, or even, heaven forbid, at a USED furniture store. And you just might buy something that will last a move or even two!

Czar said...

Glad to see you're back, BlurgGurl!

Here's some Ikea jokes from my favorite comic, Sheldon:

Catalog
Guide
Furniture for the Future

Oh, yeah, and I got the reference! It's from an episode of 30 Rock where Tina Few orders a whole bunch of Swedish office furniture and never puts it together. The labels say Blerg on them, which also happens to be Liz Lemon's (Tina Fey) oft-used exclamation of frustration. It's one of my and my wife's favorite episodes.

Come to think of it, is that where blurg, as in CincyBlurg, came from?

CincyBlurg said...

Well, I've been saying blurg for a long time, long before I heard Tina saying it on the show. But I'm a HUGE Tina Fey/Liz Lemon fan, and when I noticed her doing it, I was delighted - and I almost passed out from laughing at the name on the furniture boxes in that episode.

I like to think I started the trend of saying blurg (or blerg) and that it just finally got around to Tina. Or at least that Tina and I are connected on some metaphysical plane.

I promise not to stalk her. Much.

CincyBlurg said...

Thanks for the comics too! I'd never seen Sheldon before, but I LOVE it. Since you posted I just blew the last hour looking at the archives. I recommend it to anyone looking for a good laugh.

Perhaps I'll throw some links up to some of my favorite web toons... (not like I don't have enough links on the page as it is.)

Anonymous said...

I was surprised to see ads for IKEA, with the way Cammy Dierking et al gush over them in the past months why pay for advertising?

kyle said...

Ikea is sort of stylish..a bit overdone but kinda nice. unfortunately the stuff is, as cincyblurg said crappy partical board for the same price you can find quality constructed furniture made from real wood at your local furniture store.

Ikea is just silly hype for trendy people and definately an accessory store. The furniture is throw away. Also, remember you gotta haul that shit yourself AND assemble it!!!

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