Wednesday, August 22, 2007

WTF? The Ranch: Whores and Bores

So Saturday night after dinner we were walking around downtown debating on where to go for a drink, when we realized that there was a Bengals game that night. We, of course, had no idea until we saw so many people on the street wearing orange and black - yeah, big f**king sports fans my lot are. Knowing that there'd be a ton of people out, we decided to head north toward Arnold's and/or North Main to get away from the crowds of fair-weather suburbanite bar patrons that only go out if they're downtown for a game.

Well, we passed by the Cadillac Ranch - which you already know is my FAVORITE place in the world - and there was a line down the block of about 60+ people waiting to get in. I couldn't believe it. What the hell is the appeal of that sh*thole?! THE ONLY F**KING BEER THEY HAVE ON TAP IS BUD LIGHT!

A quick scan of the crowd confirmed my suspicion that these were the same suburbanite football fans I mentioned before. But my question is, what is it about that place that draws infrequent downtown visitors to it like flies on sh*t? Was Q102 doing some free bl*wjob with a beer promotion?

And what's with all the women all whored up? I mean, if they moved a few steps closer to the edge of the sidewalk they'd have caused an accident with all the johns trying to pull over to purchase their wares. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but why the hell is the Paris Hilton easy-as-a-two-dollar-ho look the standard uniform for every girl out clubbing? Don't any of these bitches have some self-respect? I mean, they might as well wear signs that say, "I'll spread it for an appletini."


5chw4r7z said...

We were at Cadillac until about mid-night, it was so freakin packed you couldn't move. It was a weird mix of red-necks and chicks in their cfm outfits.
I'll never stay there past 11 again, I'm over that crowded crap.

CincyBlurg said...

5chw4r7z, I'm surprised that you go to the Ranch. From your blog it would seem you're into more cultured places. What's the appeal?

(Please, I'm not trying to insult you, I really want to know.)

BTW, that was a really great b&w of the wall planter at Longworths.

Marilyn said...

Well, OK thank Brian G for telling me about your Blurg. I think I like it.

I can't always comment intelligently about life in Cincy, cause I'm out here in the boonies. I'm here to learn.

Bearman said...

Went there a couple weeks ago. Except for the funny falls from the bull it is so so.

Service was mediocre, food was less so and as blurg says only bud light on tap. They can't even stock a decent bottle of wine. Instead they have crap that tastes worse than boones.

Kevin LeMaster said...

"I'll spread it for an appletini" is the funniest thing I've read all month.

I still have never been there but I haven't read much good about it. Then again, if there's a line out the door and money's being spent downtown....

UncleRando said...

I tried to go to Cadillac Ranch that night as well...mainly to check out the new place. I saw the line and immediately headed north. Saw the same deal at Lodge Bar.

I too prefer the more relaxing environments...I'll take the Blue Wisp any day over the alternatives. Love me some Jazz.

5chw4r7z said...

hey no problem, i try to hit everything and when we got there Saturday around 7ish it was almost empty. theres absolutely no apeal there for me, maybe when I was 25 but I really like places I can talk and feel comfortable which it was until 10pm and then all hell broke loose. But its 2 blocks from my place so when in Rome right?
I doubt I'll go there very often, so don't worry too much about me, you guys who couldn't get in, you didn't miss anything unless you like hundreds of drunk 20 somethings bumping into you nonstop.

CincyBlurg said...

Perhaps my annoyance with these bars is not really a cultural demographic thing, but an AGE demographic thing? 5chw4r7z mentioned it was full of 20-somethings. When I was there it was happy hour and it was full of a mix of ages, but definitely skewing 30-40ish.

I still hated it, but then again I hated it more when I saw the kind of people lined up for it on Saturday. Perhaps I really do despise the 20-somethings: the boys with their vacuous attempts at conversation and the whores, I mean girls, so willing to accept their pitiful advances.

Am I getting old? Or does that place just suck? I think it's a little of the first, and A LOT of the second.

Oh, yeah, and those bitches are whores.

kevin said...

This post cracked me up. Cadillac Ranch is hell on earth. I don't understand the appeal of places like that, so you are definitely not alone on your feelings there. For me, it's not really an age thing, there are dumb douchebags and whores of all ages. I suppose it's just not my style and I cringe when friends say they are going there.

Anonymous said...

Dude, enough with the holier-than-thou bullshit.

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