Who cares about Smitherman anyway?

I mean, really folks... what's with all the hubbub around Smitherman? He was a wackjob the last time around, and we haven't seen him change much, so what does it matter if he's the prez of the NAACP or not? Let him stay on as prez for all I care - he'll never get elected again to Council again (I can't believe we're THAT stupid).

('nuff said.)
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New Tenant for Simone's Space

Apparently a new tenant is going in to the spot where Simone's was. Great. Another f**king tapas bar.
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AHA: Restaurant Patrons

I was at Javier's the other day, a great little downtown eatery, and what should have been a simple process to get my food, was hindered by a bunch of AssHats. If you've never been to Javier's, it works much like most other burrito shops (Chipotle and the like) or a Subway: your order is taken and paid for, then the line takes you past the staff as they put the finishing touches on your meal and they ask you about your choice of salsa, cheese, veggies, etc.

Well, no less than seven people ahead of me in line decided that they were special and left the line to sit down at a table while their meal was being prepared. Honestly, the average wait during busy times is usually no more than two minutes. But since they walked away, the staff had to call out their numbers when their orders were up before they could finish customizing them. Of course these morons didn't pay attention at all, so they had to call out the order numbers again and again before they responded.

Some of them were so oblivious, the employee behind the counter actually had to go out to get a few of them at their tables. But the best part was the table of five that repeated this process over and over: even after the first idiot had to be yelled at across the dining room before responding, the rest of the table still didn't pay attention. In all it probably added an extra ten minutes to everyone standing behind them in line. Oh, yeah, and they were rude about it too.

This falls in line with a trend I've noticed recently of people acting very self-centered in public spaces, especially noticeable in restaurants. More and more I'm seeing signs at order counters (like the one at Habanero's in Clifton) that insist that patrons cease to use their cellphone while ordering. Have you ever been stuck behind this bitch in line?

"I can't believe that bitch said that sh*t about me. I'm gonna... oh, hang on - Yeah, I want two Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers - Naw Chantele, I'm not talking to you - an' a small fry an' a small Frosty an' - Bitch shut up, I'm tryin' to order myself somefin' to eat - an' a 99 cent fruit punch - I said shut the hell up. Can't you tell I'm gettin' food?! What? How much? Hang on, I only got five... then don't gimme the fry. How much would that be then? - I can't BELIEVE he said that! Giiirl, you gotta get rid of - Yeah, I want lotsa ketchup an' salt - (screams/laughs into phone) NO HE DI-IN'T! You tell that..." (and it goes on)

Every now and then you get some ballsy chick behind the counter who won't put up with that sh*t and either refuses to take their order until they get off the phone or just moves on to the next person in line until the cellphone princess gets off. I love it when that happens.

So this week's AssHatAward goes to the seven self-centered f**ks that screwed up everyone's lunch hour at Javier's and to all the rude bastards that don't think of anyone but themselves in public environments like restaurants. Don't forget to shove your cellphones up your asses, so you can take calls easily.
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AHA: AssHatAward

So, I thought of another motivating item/task to help me keep the blurg regular: another award to give. Like the BullSh*tMeter, the AssHatAward will be given out every few weeks to a deserving local guy or lady. For the slower gazelles in the group, allow me to explain...

The Urban Dictionary defines asshat as:

"One who has their head up their ass. Thus wearing their ass as a hat."

That, I assure you, is the most simple and concise definition UD has to offer. For a great laugh, read the other 22 definitions.

So, on some sort of regular basis (hopefully) I will be awarding some "winner" with great honor. Stay tuned!
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Rush-hour Sex

Ok. You caught me. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. What's a girl to do when she's not wearing pants?

But seriously folks, did they get to finish? I mean, if you got the minerals to try a stunt like this, at 4:57pm on a Wednesday no less, the cop should at least let you get your nut off before taking you away to the loony bin.
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Who is that masked person?

Wow. I never really thought my identity would be the subject of so much speculation. Jebus. The blurg's only been going for like a month and people are already spending most of their time here commenting on who they think I am.

Not that there's a ton of people reading this, but you three really need to get a life!

I've made a few updates to the FAQ, but I doubt it will quell your incessant guessing. I can tell you this, I'm NOT Joe Wessels, as one of you insists. He has his own page where he pretty much speaks his mind (as well as in his articles), so I doubt he'd need an anonymous blog to get his point across. Though I'm complemented that you think I might actually be someone who's a professional writer. I can't imagine getting paid for the crap that spews from my keyboard.
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Post Closing - Were they still open?

Who still actually reads the Post anyway? Or should I say, who actually buys the Post? Apparently there are a few blue hairs that still get it.

I do read the occasional article or two online, but that's usually because someone links to it from their blog. I don't go out of my way to read either the Enquirer or the Post, I usually just use my blog surfing as an aggregate of the interesting news that's important enough to get noticed. I'm like Dubya that way: I use y'all as my 'filters.'

The JOA pretty much sealed their fate years ago, so I'm surprised they've lasted this long. Plus they hired that Wessels character, and that can't be good for anyone.
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Nixon in China

Ouch. That was painful. Thank goodness I got the tickets on a discount. We left after the first act. And we weren't the only ones - there was a steady stream of people exiting and going for their cars.

I heard from a friend who stayed for the whole thing and she wished that she had been with someone who wanted to leave because she would have left at the first intermission as well.

Who thought that opera was a good idea?
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Washington Platform Reopens

On Friday the 13th. After having two cars crash into them on separate occassions, these guys really know how to tempt fate. Good luck! (I'll be waiting a bit before I dine there again, and won't be sitting in a window seat when I do.)
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Best? of Shadowbox

So last night we saw the "Best of Shadowbox" at the Shadowbox Cabaret. If that's their best, they really need to do some work. I guess I just didn't drink enough to find all their re-re-recycled bits funny.

I know that the show is supposed to be a replay of all their funniest bits, but most of their actually humorous stuff is a re-hash of the same jokes, only slightly updated over the years. Like the perennial favorite, "guy telling a scary story with a flashlight under his face while other guy pantomimes." It was a funny bit the first three times you did it, because you kept changing the stories from show to show, but after a while the whole motif gets old and even your new "A material" sounds worn out.

And the music is done very well, but there's nothing special about it anymore. The fact that these guys have to do the same seven or eight songs every night for the run of the show really comes across - they're totally phoning it in, especially by the end of the night. A few years back I felt the music was one of the strongest points of a Shadowbox show, but now it feels like they're just going through the motions. They really do very little to put their own stamp on the pieces. I know Holiday Inn lounge acts with more passion.

It was nice to see a bunch of new faces in the cast, but most of them were completely under utilized. They better start mixing them in a lot more, since the veteran members are definitely losing their spirit.
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Coffee Emporium needs to stay open longer

So Coffee Emporium (OTR) extended their hours until 6pm on weekdays, but are still at 4pm on Saturdays, and not open Sundays at all. I wish they were open later, as I hate to have pack up my sh*t and find another place to use wifi or go home. And their Hyde Park location doesn't have any better hours.

At least I can kinda get wifi at Kaldi's via Main Street's Lily Pad cloud - if I make an extra antenna out of my silverware, and sit in the front window. Shame I can't get food there in the evenings any more.

And people wonder why locally-owned downtown businesses struggle, yet chain restaurants in the suburbs flourish. Well take Starbucks/Panera for example: at all available hours you see people there using their laptops. Well, their hours are consistent, and they have solid wifi connections.
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Artworks Summer Program

Artworks' summer program is in full-swing. Most events are free and open to the public. Check out what this great organization offers to kids for much of the summer!
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Corruption Kills, or It Should

Let's start killing OUR public officials when they're convicted of corruption. LOVE the idea. We could start the death sentences at the top and work our way down. Washington would be pretty empty, but it's a good beginning. Would anyone even notice? Would there be a current politician left?
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BSM: New Downtown Hotspots

A few in particular come to mind, but I'm sure there's others that I'm not thinking of and more to come. Let's just talk about Bang Nightclub, Cadillac Ranch, Lodge Bar, Sully's and McFadden's. One might see all these bars as a positive step in the continued development of downtown. These are the new "hotspots." But what do they really bring to the city?

Well, they're pretty generic in their personality. Sully's and McFaddens are basically sports bars with lots of dark wood and brass. Whoopty sh*t. Their appearance may be an attempt at upscale, but a constant barrage of TVs (tuned to sports, mostly) really kills that "refined" atmosphere.

Then there's the Lodge Bar and the Cadillac Ranch which I can only describe as "redneck chic," - I blame NASCAR for this sh*t. If you want a real country bar then grow a pair and go to Bobby Mackey's. But DJs and live music with no country bands don't a country bar make, just cuz you got tacky hick sh*t on the walls. Does this LOOK like a country crowd?

Bang - which is basically the same sh*t as Club Klau and whatever the hell it was after that - and other clubs like it remind me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies, The Fisher King:

"I told you about these people. They only mate with their own kind. It's yuppie inbreeding. That's why they're retarded and wear the same clothes. They don't feel love. They only negotiate love moments. They're evil, Edwin. They're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal... everything that America stands for! They must be stopped before it's too late. It's us or them."

Funny thing is, after re-reading that bit from the script, I'm thinking it applies all of these bars. You've got five bars that are so pathetic in their concept that they're excellent at attracting a pathetic crowd. Great, that's just what we need more of downtown (or in any neighborhood): pretty sheep.

The only hope we have is all that all these places can help bring critical mass downtown so that a wider audience is willing to come down and see all the other great places and things to do that downtown has to offer.

So this week's BullSh*tMeter goes to the "yuppie watering holes" (also another quote from Fisher King) that are pockmarking our urban landscape. I wish you luck and success, as I wish any business downtown prosperity - but I'll be avoiding your bullsh*t like the plague. My boots are only thigh-highs.
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Tweakin WordPress...

As you may have noticed, I'm still working the kinks out of this WordPress layout and its "widgets." And I'm having a heck of a time trying to add scripts and other goodies. Maybe I'll look into Blogger again. It's been a long time since I used it, and I've heard there's a whole new engine behind it now that Google's bought it.

I'm not so hip on Gmail, as I can't organize the way I like to organize into folders and such, like Yahoo Mail. But maybe I'll give Blogger another shot. Anyone out there have any experience on the coding end with Blogger since the updated templates?
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Demolish the Smith Foundation

So another "developer" is letting their OTR properties go to hell. The Smith Foundation is now going to demolish buildings they purchased for renovation. Instead of rehabing them, they just let them go to sh*t. When they're done with the wrecking ball they should swing it at Smith.

This is exactly the kind of thing the city needs to keep an eye on. We have so many wonderful historic building in OTR (I don't know in fact if these were historical or even that old), and so many building owners who would rather let them fall apart than spend the money to fix them or sell them to someone who would.

It's estimated that over 500 buildings in Over-the-Rhine are abandoned. So many opportunities, and they're going to waste: at the cost of some beautiful historic architecture.
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See you in Northside!

If you're wondering what to do to celebrate ID3/4, check out Northside's Rock n' Roll Carnival and the Fourth of July Parade and Festival. If you haven't been, it's probably the best parade in the area. It all kicks of tonight with the Carnival, and tomorrow with the parade. See you tonight!
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Kaldi's Finicky Hours

Again with the changing of the hours, and weird ones at that! I finally thought Kaldis was doing well and had ironed out all the kinks of new ownership when I found out the hard way that they're not serving food at night anymore on the weekdays, and only a limited menu at night on the weekends. Because I didn't have much time, I had to eat at the Courtyard Cafe, which no one really wants to do.
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