BSM: YawnFest 2007

Hurry and sign up for BOLD FUSION 2007, the Chamber's annual YP summit where our "best and brightest" can sit around and hear from speakers about how they're the best and brightest and the answer to all the city's ills, and then leave to drink at some yuppie watering hole, never to do a damn thing to make an actual change in the city.

Ok, so I exaggerate, but with the lofty ideas talked about at past Bold Fusions, you'd think that the participants would be out in the streets, fired up and ready to take real action. Instead I've seen too many of them breaking their own arms patting themselves on the back while talking about what they already do to help the city, without really being interested in anyone else's efforts or working together.

This year's keynote speaker is Carol Coletta is the host of the syndicated public radio show Smart City, so the event is showing some promise. But I'm not sure I like the sound of this:

"At this year's event, YOU, the rest of our YP community, and our local leadership will create the future of Cincinnati USA with the launch of Agenda 360, a comprehensive community action plan to align our region and its leaders on a common set of strategies for our city's evolution."

At first glance, this sounds all well and good, but a second reading uncovers a (thinly veiled) attempt to not really get input from local YPs, but to sell them on the Chamber's preconceived plan (with a few variables to make it seem customized). Sorry to be so skeptical, but I've been to too many of these kinds of events and seen the Chamber pull this sh*t before. Hopefully they can prove me wrong, but I will keep breathing regularly just in case.

If the Chamber put as much work into actual community action as they do into developing marketing language to sell the status quo... but I digress. Congrats! Although not all the way pegged, the Chamber has got BullSh*tMeter's needle jumping.
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BSM & AHA: The Cincinati Beacon

Double the pleasure, double the fun... This week we have two awards going to the same person!

Oh, WAAH!! The Beacon didn't get considered for the best blog in Cincinnati on CincyTechUSA's list. It MUST be a conspiracy designed to "stop the real contenders from getting additional publicity," according to The Dean.

You've GOT to be kidding me. The Chamber made up rules to keep your blog out of the contest?! They're hiding Cincinnati's great social unrest and political dissent by keeping multi-author blogs out of the contest! It's a conspiracy. No where does he mention that many of the individual blogs listed all link to many of the local multi-author blogs in their blogrolls.

(More of Haap's BS and his AHA after the jump.)

I'm no big fan of the Chamber, but maybe the rules are just what they say they are: a way to recognize the hard work of individual bloggers? Is that so hard to believe?

Jason Haap, A.K.A., the DEAN of Cincinnati, actually posited that "the REAL top blogs in Cincinnati" were:

1. The Cincinnati Beacon
2. CityBeat’s Porkopolis
3. The Cincinnati Black Blog
4. CincyNewsAche

How about the big brass ones on this guy? The Beacon is one of the top blogs in Cincy? Of course you see the usual conspiracy theory that Jason's manufacturing: The Beacon, Cinti Black Blog, Porkopolis, they're all gonna be excluded because they're vocal critics of the Chamber. Of course he didn't stop consider that maybe it's because those blogs suck.

Porkopolis? Flannery's excuse to expose the public to more of his wacko commie pinko leftist claptrap that wouldn't fit in his column. Actually I kiid, I kiid. Usually Greg is just editing the column and the blog, but stand back when he actually does put two words together. They're sure to be memorable. The Cinti Black Blog? Don't get me started on Nate, I'll save that for another time. NewsAche is a well written blog but really, it's a one trick pony: bitch about the Enquirer. It's nice for an occasional read, but gets old real quick. Yeah we all know the Enquirer/Gannett sucks, I don't need to analyze it over and over. This guys got quite the obsession. And then there's The Beacon? One of the best?! Get real. But more on that in a bit.

Or maybe Haap's head is so far up his own ass he doesn't smell the sh*t any more... which brings me to our other dishonorable mention for this week: The Dean, AssHat Extraordinaire.

I've been reading the Beacon since it emerged and The Dean's old blog before that. At first I really thought he had some promise: he pledged to foster intellectual discourse on his site's forums. But in a short time (long before the Beacon) it became apparent that the only opinion he was really interested in, was his own.

I know, I know what you're thinking: doesn't that exactly describe CincyBlurg? Well, yes and no. In general, I do like the hear myself talk, otherwise I wouldn't bother with a blurg. I also have no illusions about that fact, nor do I describe this site to the contrary.

The problem with the Beacon is that they're a bunch of wanna-be journalists who don't treat anyone with respect and bash people if they're not willing to get sucked down into their mud-slinging. We've seen this several times, all the way back to the Dean days, but most recently with Jason's article on Joan Kaup. I'm mean, dude, get over it. She wanted to meet face to face - I applaud her for that. And making a big deal out of the missed appointment? Well he apparently dosen't spend much time conducting real business or you'd know that busy schedules can become difficult. This is yet another example of someone bumping into his fragile little ego and in retaliation Haap manufacturing a story where there is none.

Justin Jeffre and a few of the others in the Beacon crew seem like nice enough people, but when you run with a guy like Haap, you lose your credibility. Funny thing, I've seen/heard Jeffre referred to as a "Haap follower" and the Jason's "boy." For the most part anything he had done previously to his involvement with the Beacon is become a distant memory.

So this week's BullSh*tMeter reading goes to The Dean and the Beacon, who buried the needle once again. Surf's up! And he topped it off with an AssHat Award. Nice. I need to think up another award as I'm sure he'll be able to nail the trifecta in the future, again and again.
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BSM: New Downtown Hotspots

A few in particular come to mind, but I'm sure there's others that I'm not thinking of and more to come. Let's just talk about Bang Nightclub, Cadillac Ranch, Lodge Bar, Sully's and McFadden's. One might see all these bars as a positive step in the continued development of downtown. These are the new "hotspots." But what do they really bring to the city?

Well, they're pretty generic in their personality. Sully's and McFaddens are basically sports bars with lots of dark wood and brass. Whoopty sh*t. Their appearance may be an attempt at upscale, but a constant barrage of TVs (tuned to sports, mostly) really kills that "refined" atmosphere.

Then there's the Lodge Bar and the Cadillac Ranch which I can only describe as "redneck chic," - I blame NASCAR for this sh*t. If you want a real country bar then grow a pair and go to Bobby Mackey's. But DJs and live music with no country bands don't a country bar make, just cuz you got tacky hick sh*t on the walls. Does this LOOK like a country crowd?

Bang - which is basically the same sh*t as Club Klau and whatever the hell it was after that - and other clubs like it remind me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies, The Fisher King:

"I told you about these people. They only mate with their own kind. It's yuppie inbreeding. That's why they're retarded and wear the same clothes. They don't feel love. They only negotiate love moments. They're evil, Edwin. They're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal... everything that America stands for! They must be stopped before it's too late. It's us or them."

Funny thing is, after re-reading that bit from the script, I'm thinking it applies all of these bars. You've got five bars that are so pathetic in their concept that they're excellent at attracting a pathetic crowd. Great, that's just what we need more of downtown (or in any neighborhood): pretty sheep.

The only hope we have is all that all these places can help bring critical mass downtown so that a wider audience is willing to come down and see all the other great places and things to do that downtown has to offer.

So this week's BullSh*tMeter goes to the "yuppie watering holes" (also another quote from Fisher King) that are pockmarking our urban landscape. I wish you luck and success, as I wish any business downtown prosperity - but I'll be avoiding your bullsh*t like the plague. My boots are only thigh-highs.
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BSM: Fountain Square

Where the hell is the beautiful park-like city square they promised us from all those lovely conceptual drawings? Where is all the green they used so much to sell us on the changes to the Square? The square isn't that much different than it was before: lots of concrete and stone and very little shade. I call bullsh*t.

I started to rant about how they duped us and how the square hasn't changed much at all. But I decided to take a step back and look at the situation very closely.

After further review, the final layout of the square is pretty close to the drawings. Granted the trees haven't filled out yet and the construction on the north end of the square isn't done, however, the drawings are on target with what the square is shaping up to be. But let's take a close look at those original drawings.

Notice that in every drawing there's a lot of greenery, particularly trees. It gives the impression that the square will be more park-like. Every angle drawn is chosen to convey a idyllic setting, not an urban landscape.

Now I'm not saying this was a great conspiracy. But, there was definitely a sales pitch going on here. That's what designers (architects, landscapers, etc.) do with conceptual drawings: sell you on their design concept. Well, they certainly sold the square as a park. Just look at each drawing - green, green, green.

The drawings also show lots of shade. Now that doesn't mean they're incorrect. When I first saw the newly-opened square, I thought, where's all the green? The shade? Well, that was winter, and now it's summer and I'm still saying, where the hell is the green? One could argue that the trees haven't filled out yet, and that all the flower boxes aren't in - but look at all the concept pictures: way more shade than those trees will ever create - and I believe more trees than were planted.

Also take note of the fact that in every drawing greenery is used to cover up a stark urban streetscape, even in the periphery. Look at the drawing of the new facade on the 5/3 garage. This is the most urban of all the illustrations, and even this has the edges softened with trees.

So I come to the end of this rant with a mixed reading on the meter. On one hand, it's apparent that their drawings were designed to conjure a certain feeling. On the other hand, they're not entirely inaccurate. But I - and everyone else I've talked to - feel that we've had yet another architectural bait and switch pulled on us. They do it all the time in Cincy: the Accent, the CAC, Great American Ballpark, just to name a few.

But in this case, I have to say that their bullsh*t was spread on our crackers with such delicate precision that we gobbled it up without closer inspection. And for that, we, the enthusiastic supporters of the new square concept, are to blame as well. However this bullsh*t was of such fine caliber that they definitely had a solid reading on the meter, and thus this week's award.
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BSM: BullSh*tMeter

I realized that I needed some regular occurrence to give me the impetus to blurg at least once a week - during those heavy times, when a girl has that not-so-fresh feeling and could give a sh*t outside of her own world.

And I wanted some gimmick to make the site fun/funny, yet hit right at the heart of the matter - its reason for being: calling out the bullsh*t in the Nati. So I came up with the BullSh*tMeter. Well, maybe 'came up with' is not quite the term. I should say, 'completely ripped off' the idea from about a million other sites that do it - heck, even the graphic isn't original (but I did spend some time redoing it much more to my liking).

So at least once every couple of weeks - to be fair to myself, my schedule and my cat (she's so demanding) a couple of weeks may end up being more like once a month - I will post a new reading on the BullSh*tMeter. Some oh-so-lucky subject will feel the sting of my biting wit - or be annoyed, at least.

And if you're interested in seeing all the BSMs, just click on the tag bullsh*t or the BullSh*tMeter graphic in any BSM post to see all the past recipients.

And so it begins...
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