AHA: Ikea fans

She's back with a bang - second post back and I'm already throwing an AssHat Award at someone. In fact, I'm giving out a bunch of 'em to a bunch of people!

This apparently is the MOST IMPORTANT news of the day in Cincinnati, because it was the main headline on Cincinnati.com this afternoon: "Line forms early for Ikea." You've got to f**king kidding me...

(Details and pic after the jump.)

To quote Cincinnati.com's caption for this photo:

Some very eager (and tired) shoppers are camping out today to be among the first inside Ikea's new West Chester Township store, which opens at 9 a.m. Wednesday. Here's everything you'll need to know about the grand opening.

* Video: Putting your purchase together
* A shopping primer | Store map
* How to shop at Ikea | Photos

Apparently the economy's not in the sh*tter enough if people still have the time and disposable income to take two days and nights out of productive society to spend it sitting on their asses in front of a place where they're planning on spending lots of money on crappy particle-board furniture.

Now, I'm not advocating that anyone should do a drive-by on these wastes-of-flesh or anything, but I'm sure few would miss them in the gene pool.

So AssHat Awards all around!
- To Cincinnati.com and whatever associated media that thought this was actually news - you should be ashamed.
- To everyone who's gonna cram their fat asses through the sliding doors on opening day looking like a rabid trailer-trash grandma looking for the last Cabbage Patch Kid - you're probably the same jackasses that line-up for an opening of the local chapter of the Golden Corral (or Golden Trough, as I like to call it).
- To everyone sitting there in line two days before the opening - I hope your flat-pack Crappka or Hurll chair breaks under the wait of your fat ass.

BONUS ROUND: Anyone know the reference in the last picture of the post?
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AHA: Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!

Been a busy week and I meant to blog this earlier. This week's AssHat is a real winner, and now that the week is over officially, I can definitely say that no one was able to top his AssHattery. Not only is he a child predator, but he's about the stupidest one I've ever heard of.

(Details and pic after the jump.)

So this genius decided to stalk someone he didn't know and supposedly met accidentally via a wrong number - even after she said she was an underage girl. I don't want to give any more away - read the article. But I can to tell you, jailarity ensues.

Definitely proof that the gene pool is mighty polluted.

BONUS ROUND: Anyone know the reference in the title of my post?
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The sheriff is a Canadian!

So, I was talking with some friends the other day and I discovered a very interesting new term. Well, at least new to me. 'Canadians.'

The friends I was speaking to were Black. I say Black because I think African-American is a presumptuous phrase - perhaps they were African-Bahamian or African-British or even French-African-Canadian - how would I know unless they told me directly? And, although we're friends, we've never discussed heritage, so, as I said, they were Black. (I am Caucasian, for the record, of English and French descent, and although some of my friends know that about me they don't refer to me as an English-French-American nor would I expect that.)

So the phrase they introduced me to was 'Canadians.' One of my friends is from the South (that's the Southeastern United States to be precise) and she told me that she had recently discovered that White people had been calling her Canadian.

She told me a story of when she was working in a shop in the South and she overheard some of her customers complaining that they were always waited on by a Canadian at that place. She didn't understand what they were talking about and assumed they must be talking about someone else.

After this happened several times with different patrons, she mentioned it to one of her coworkers. He told her that 'Canadian' was the new derogatory term that racist Southerners were using to describe persons they would have previously referred to as [N-word]s. And for various reasons it didn't sound at all unusual for the average backwards-ass Southerner to say things like, "Those damn Canadians," or "The problem is all those Canadians."

I was blown away and decided to put my newfound linguistic knowledge to the test. A cursory search of the Google turned up no references. I called some other Black friends and they all informed me that although they hadn't heard it themselves, they weren't surprised.

So, have you heard this phrasing used in this context? Has it made its way to Cincinnati yet (other than my friend's account)? Have I actually 'broke' this story? What other phrases have you heard used instead, to hide racist language?

By the way, if you thought the title of this post had anything to do with Si Leis, then you obviously haven't seen or forgot one of the funniest scenes in Blazing Saddles.
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Child dies in hot car

Jebus, this is a sad story, and I really hesitate to comment until we know all the facts, but I just can't keep quiet. How ever this went down, there are some startling facts and statistics brought up in this article.

"The death of the girl infant was at least the second car and heat-related death in the nation Thursday."

"...Thursday’s death was the 23rd such fatality involving a child in a vehicle this year..."

(More stats and my opinion after the jump.)

"In a matter of 10 minutes, the temperature inside the Mercedes could have reached close to 120 degrees. Jan Null, an adjunct professor of meteorology at San Francisco University, said the car’s temperature could have been in excess of 145 degrees and that objects in direct sunlight would have been much hotter."

“You see these types of stories all the time,” Lt. Scott Gaviglia of the Union Township Police Department said. “My experience is there is no class or educational boundaries. Just drive through a Kroger parking lot and see who leaves their kids in the car.”

"Last year, 29 children died after being left in hot cars. Between 1998 and 2007, there have been 344 such deaths..."

"...close to 40 percent of all children who died in a hot car were forgotten."

That last one scares the bejebus outta me. What the hell is wrong with these parents?

NOTE: I'm not pointing fingers at the lady in this current incident, as we don't know what happened.

But anyone who does forget their kids in a car needs to be locked in there too on a day like today, until they're nice and crispy. I'd really like to hear from you all on this one!
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WTF? The Ranch: Whores and Bores

So Saturday night after dinner we were walking around downtown debating on where to go for a drink, when we realized that there was a Bengals game that night. We, of course, had no idea until we saw so many people on the street wearing orange and black - yeah, big f**king sports fans my lot are. Knowing that there'd be a ton of people out, we decided to head north toward Arnold's and/or North Main to get away from the crowds of fair-weather suburbanite bar patrons that only go out if they're downtown for a game.

Well, we passed by the Cadillac Ranch - which you already know is my FAVORITE place in the world - and there was a line down the block of about 60+ people waiting to get in. I couldn't believe it. What the hell is the appeal of that sh*thole?! THE ONLY F**KING BEER THEY HAVE ON TAP IS BUD LIGHT!

A quick scan of the crowd confirmed my suspicion that these were the same suburbanite football fans I mentioned before. But my question is, what is it about that place that draws infrequent downtown visitors to it like flies on sh*t? Was Q102 doing some free bl*wjob with a beer promotion?

And what's with all the women all whored up? I mean, if they moved a few steps closer to the edge of the sidewalk they'd have caused an accident with all the johns trying to pull over to purchase their wares. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but why the hell is the Paris Hilton easy-as-a-two-dollar-ho look the standard uniform for every girl out clubbing? Don't any of these bitches have some self-respect? I mean, they might as well wear signs that say, "I'll spread it for an appletini."
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AHA: Bob Buford

So, good ol' Bobby B, the Chicagoland troll that lurks around Cincinnati Blog's comments decided to chime in about my humble site, my lack of substance, and my fast-approaching demise. Well, I won't get into my response here in detail, as you can read it yourself, but I told him to go outside and play, "Hide and Go F**k Yourself!"

More importantly, let's look at Bob himself. I could sit here and call him a conservative idiot, a racist, a complete moron - oh, wait, I just did. But why take my word for it. Just look at his own words. They paint the picture far more eloquently than I could.

He's been lurking in the shadows of Brian's blog for a while now, even after he moved out of the city. He continues to comment on the state and affairs of Cincinnati, as if he has any idea what's going on here, or ever did. In one of his posts last year he mentions that he used to live right near the Oldenburg brewery before he was old enough to drink. So he's an uppity white kid who grew up in the suburbs of Northern Kentucky and thinks he has all the answers to the worlds problems - and they tend to sound like he's copying them from his KKK Youth Manual.

Well, Bob, I really don't need to say much more about you, as anyone willing to read through your own writing will find out everything they need to know. I'll leave you, my dear readers, with this little tidbit that I unfortunately can't take credit for myself, but I think will bring to you as much of a guffaw as it did me:
J.N. Atailya's May 11th response to Bob's comments...

Bob,

It's time you had the surgery to remove the pieces of spine that are hindering you from keeping your c**k in your mouth, where it belongs. I know you spent a good deal of your youth fighting to stay limber enough to self-fellate. But now, thanks to the wonders of modern surgery, you can once again fill your c**k holster with your very own pants meat -- meager as it is.

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You are an insignificant speck of dust.

'nuff said.

(An even better vid after the jump!)

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AHA: Smokers

So, I was at UDF the other day finishing a cellphone call outside before going in - I find it rude to be on the phone while someone is trying to help me behind the counter/ring me up - and I noticed all these little burn marks on the top of the garbage can out front where people had put down their cigarettes before they went in. Either they took too long or forgot them, and the cigs melted fat little lines in the top of the plastic can. I knew what they were because there were a few that still had the filters lying at the end of the melted rut.

So, I hate smoking. I can't remember if I mentioned that before. But I do. And most smokers are rude and self-centered when it comes to their habit. They actually think the have a RIGHT to pollute the air within my vicinity.

And they usually don't care about littering the landscape with their smoldering butts - it amazes me how many smokers litter ALL THE TIME without a second thought. A few years ago I actually had someone at a party at my apartment throw his butt off my balcony and into the yard of my building. I confronted him about it, and he said I was one of those uptight non-smokers, so I threw him out and told my friend who brought him never to bring him around again. Where do these AssHats get off?

Now that smoking has been banned in businesses and indoor public places there are even more butts lining the gutter outside of bars and buildings. I'd love to see littering enforced more, with high fines and stiff penalties, especially on the butt-throwers.
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40 under 40

Not gonna be a hater. Some I know, some I don't. Congrats to all. Would like to see more of them involved in civic action and community service, though.

Sorry, nothing else to say.
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