Heartless Bastards at Southgate House

Saturday night some friends dragged me to to the Southgate house to see the Heartless Bastards. I say dragged in that I wasn't really up for seeing the Bastards again, but Southgate is such a great venue and I knew I'd see tons of friends at the show. Well, I wasn't disappointed, in that everywhere I turned I saw someone I knew. That was pretty cool. But the show...

It's not that I don't like the Bastards, but I guess I never really got into them. Though I seem to be in the minority, and that's what I don't understand. Everyone I know from Cincy seems to be huge fans, and I think I have some theories, but I'm not sure. My first idea is that guys like them because they think that Erika is hot (she doesn't do it for me), and her ballsy vocals project a strong, confident exterior, which is also a reason I think women like her.

Unfortunately that's exactly the reason I don't care for her singing that much. On the first album (and in every show I've seen) Erica seems to be belting out her lyrics with such force that it seems to narrow her range into almost a monotone sound. Many of my friends not familiar with the Bastards have remarked that they thought it was a guy singing when they first heard the album. I just wish she was more dynamic. It almost sounds like she's already tired from a week of singing shows and is at the end of the night, struggling to push out her parts - even on the album.

For these reasons I never bought the first album - got a rip from a friend. I tried really hard to get into them, since EVERYONE I knew was and I kept being dragged to their shows. So then the second album came out and I thought that her vocal range expanded and that she intoned a great deal more. But she never really brought that articulation to any of their stage shows. This Saturday she was a bit more dynamic, but as soon as she got to songs from the first album (which made up all of the end of the show and encore), she slipped right back into her monotone roar.

And my other bitch is that the show was $15. For someone who has seen them for years for free, it's hard to pay that much. It was a decent show, I saw a ton of friends, but I enjoyed Pearline (who opened for them and I hadn't seen in a while) much, much more.

And there was some other group called White Girls in the first opening slot - notice I didn't say band. They sucked so bad, and even though I like punk - which is what I thought they were trying to go for - I couldn't take them for much more than a few songs. I turned around to say that we should go outside for a bit and my friends had already left (about halfway through the first song) and were sitting on the porch.
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Review suggestions?

I'm interested in doing more reviews of local restaurants/bars, perhaps even starting a whole section of the site devoted to them. Do any of you have any suggestions on which places you'd like to see me review?

Any place that you haven't been yet that you're too timid to try yourself? Send me! I'm always up for an adventure! An establishment that you would really like to hear my take on? Wind me up and let me go!
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GIMME A BUD BITCH!

I know I bitched about the Cadillac Ranch before, but I honestly had never been there (every thing I knew about it was secondhand. Well, a colleague insisted we meet for drinks there after work. After unsuccessfully trying to persuade her to go to Arnold's, she dragged me to this hellhole.

First of all, the decor is exactly like I had said before, redneck chic - they even have a mechanical bull. But it's basically a fake roadhouse-looking sports bar with the same old meat and potatoes unimaginative 'American' cuisine. It was packed and we were forced to stand - I can't believe how many morons, er, patrons were there on an average weekday at happy hour.

It was a really hot day and I thought a nice cool beer would help change my increasingly sour mood. Of course they ONLY have Bud Light on tap. Their selection of good bottled beer was incredibly scarce, but I managed to find one that was acceptable. After being bumped into more times than I can count, I could see my friend was annoyed with the Ranch and needed a change of scenery.

I downed my swill and forced my companion to chug hers, then we exited and after a short walk in the blazing heat I introduced her to the calm, friendly atmosphere of Arnold's bar. She had never been, but ended up checking out the menu and insisted we stay for dinner. So I blew off my prior plans and stayed to enjoy a wonderful dinner with my new Arnold's fan.

Friends don't let friends drink Bud Light.
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Best? of Shadowbox

So last night we saw the "Best of Shadowbox" at the Shadowbox Cabaret. If that's their best, they really need to do some work. I guess I just didn't drink enough to find all their re-re-recycled bits funny.

I know that the show is supposed to be a replay of all their funniest bits, but most of their actually humorous stuff is a re-hash of the same jokes, only slightly updated over the years. Like the perennial favorite, "guy telling a scary story with a flashlight under his face while other guy pantomimes." It was a funny bit the first three times you did it, because you kept changing the stories from show to show, but after a while the whole motif gets old and even your new "A material" sounds worn out.

And the music is done very well, but there's nothing special about it anymore. The fact that these guys have to do the same seven or eight songs every night for the run of the show really comes across - they're totally phoning it in, especially by the end of the night. A few years back I felt the music was one of the strongest points of a Shadowbox show, but now it feels like they're just going through the motions. They really do very little to put their own stamp on the pieces. I know Holiday Inn lounge acts with more passion.

It was nice to see a bunch of new faces in the cast, but most of them were completely under utilized. They better start mixing them in a lot more, since the veteran members are definitely losing their spirit.
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BSM: New Downtown Hotspots

A few in particular come to mind, but I'm sure there's others that I'm not thinking of and more to come. Let's just talk about Bang Nightclub, Cadillac Ranch, Lodge Bar, Sully's and McFadden's. One might see all these bars as a positive step in the continued development of downtown. These are the new "hotspots." But what do they really bring to the city?

Well, they're pretty generic in their personality. Sully's and McFaddens are basically sports bars with lots of dark wood and brass. Whoopty sh*t. Their appearance may be an attempt at upscale, but a constant barrage of TVs (tuned to sports, mostly) really kills that "refined" atmosphere.

Then there's the Lodge Bar and the Cadillac Ranch which I can only describe as "redneck chic," - I blame NASCAR for this sh*t. If you want a real country bar then grow a pair and go to Bobby Mackey's. But DJs and live music with no country bands don't a country bar make, just cuz you got tacky hick sh*t on the walls. Does this LOOK like a country crowd?

Bang - which is basically the same sh*t as Club Klau and whatever the hell it was after that - and other clubs like it remind me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies, The Fisher King:

"I told you about these people. They only mate with their own kind. It's yuppie inbreeding. That's why they're retarded and wear the same clothes. They don't feel love. They only negotiate love moments. They're evil, Edwin. They're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal... everything that America stands for! They must be stopped before it's too late. It's us or them."

Funny thing is, after re-reading that bit from the script, I'm thinking it applies all of these bars. You've got five bars that are so pathetic in their concept that they're excellent at attracting a pathetic crowd. Great, that's just what we need more of downtown (or in any neighborhood): pretty sheep.

The only hope we have is all that all these places can help bring critical mass downtown so that a wider audience is willing to come down and see all the other great places and things to do that downtown has to offer.

So this week's BullSh*tMeter goes to the "yuppie watering holes" (also another quote from Fisher King) that are pockmarking our urban landscape. I wish you luck and success, as I wish any business downtown prosperity - but I'll be avoiding your bullsh*t like the plague. My boots are only thigh-highs.
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Building Cincinnati

I'll let you in on my new web obsession: Building Cincinnati. I have such a blog crush on this guy - stop it, I'm talking about his blog. His stuff is informative and detailed, and although the material is pretty dry, I have some amazing need to check it every day now (which I rarely check any one blog EVERY day), and have been spending free time combing through his archives (does that sound too much like innuendo?)

Because I'm very interested in the city's development (as in moving forward), after reading his site for a while I realized how much I'm interested in development in the city (as in building sh*t). Didn't know that about myself. Usually it's, "Oh, great, another Walgreens." But now I'm like, "Hmm, I know it's essentially a strip mall, but that 'life style center' will look a lot better in that area than the crap that was there before."
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Talkin' Fringe

I was talkin to a few friends about this year's Fringe the other day. We went to a ton of the shows, more than I was able to go to last year. In general it seemed much more together, more organized than last year. And the parties were great.

The quality of the shows was much better in general, but all in all there was nothing to write home about, except for Calculus: The Musical, which was spectacular. Everyone raved about iLove, which frankly bored me to tears. I think that everyone was just juiced up because two of the actors let their naughty bits hang out.

The one show that stands out in my mind as just awful was Extreme Puppet Theatre. Sad part is, I really think the performers behind it thought they were funny. It was downright painful to sit through.

What were your favorite and not-so-favorite Fringe moments?
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Tapas = Ripoff

So I was dragged to yet another Tapas bar, this time Latitudes Cafe in Anderson Towne Center. Like the word Bistro, I have come to know that the real meaning of the word Tapas is "very little food for lotsa money."

The decor was, well, midscale modern, but they didn't do much to hide the fact that they're in a plaza. Take out the bar and the booths and the room could have just as easily been a chic shoe boutique.

The food looked appealing on the menu - even though it seemed to be priced high, I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt - with what sounded like some really unique selections.

The $4 salad was so small it looked like it was the uneaten leftovers from someone else's plate, with barely enough greenery to cover the five-inch dish.

I thought I'd try the crabcakes, but they were pitifully small, dry and tasteless. I didn't even finish them, my friend did - but he covered them in some dipping sh*t that he had with one of his dishes. Did I mention the service was pitiful as well?

I also had the Lebanese chicken kabobs. When they arrived the "kabobs" were two dried up, shriveled pieces of chicken approximately a quarter inch in diameter and about four inches long. The sauce was a scarce puddle in the corner of the plate and the "chutney" what was supposed to come with it apparently consisted of a few sprinkles of diced cilantro under the pathetic chicken straws.

I shared a few other dishes with my friends, but nothing was filing or particularly tasty. My portion of the bill (with no alcoholic beverages) came to about $25 before tip and after pitching in on the other dishes I shared. I left feeling so hungry that I almost stopped at the chinese take out next door.

Never again. I try to avoid Anderson any way, as there's nary a locally-owned restaurant on that side of the Little Miami, so I figure by the time I get out that way again it'll be replaced with some national chain anyway, and for once (the gods forgive me) it may be a step up.
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