BLOG DEATH MATCH!

So I noticed something the other day... two blogs have the same name, sort of. We all know Cincinnati Blog - but there's another blog using that name! The Nati (at least that was what I thought it was called) has the title: CINCINNATI BLOG on it's web page. It's not at the top of the page - yet - but just in the title bar (done via HTML). What's up with that?

Now, this could be poor coding or a simple mistake, but I'd like to think this is the beginning of a hostile takeover by Joe Hansbauer. Subtle innuendo at first, then targeted attacks combined with a carefully planned PR campaign to win the hearts and minds. Eventually the history books will be rewritten to include no mention of the former Cincinnati Blog or even Brian Griffin. And we've always been at war with Eastasia.

But I've blown the lid off your devious little plan, Mr. Hansbauer. I've shined the light under your rock. Shall you scurry away to hatch another plot - perhaps the assimilation of Cincinnati Black Blog? Or will you come out fighting? That's what I'd like to see.

So here are my terms for the battle royale: Brian and Joe must square off on Fountain Square, IN the fountain, three rounds, no holds barred, wearing only loincloths covering their nethers. And we'll broadcast it on the big screen as well as a live feed to the web via Lily Pad!

What'ya say boys?

(Well, a gurl's gotta dream any way.)
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GFS: Cincy Images, others...

If you haven't seen it before, it's new to you! Remember that marketing line? I think it was NBC who used it a few years ago to sell reruns of their shows during the regular season. Well, in this case, I hadn't seen this site before, and I'm letting you all know about it for the first time - or again, in case you have seen it.

Cincy Images (or Cincinnati Images - HTML title is different?) is a blog-style site with tons of photos from the Queen City in its gallery. Jayson, the site founder and primary photographer (?) also sells the images featured there - but you can browse them if you're just lookin'. He has some really great photography and a real passion for our fair city. And he's only been here since 2003!

It's nice to see someone who shares their enthusiasm for the city so openly (I won't fault him for trying to make a buck on his photos either). But I must also tip my hat to Cincinnati, As I See It and 5chw4r7z, two other great blogs that feature wonderful photography, usually daily. I visit these two almost every morning to see what beautiful new perspectives they have on the Nati.

Thanks to all of you for sharing your photos and your lives! :)
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Blurg Ketchup (Lot No. 090907)

Or is it catchup? Definitely not catsup. Thought I'd start a recap feature weekly or bi-weekly - a chance for me to catch up on the posts that I may have started to write, but never got around to finishing. Or sometimes just stuff that I don't have much to say about, so I throwing it in here. This was a good week to start, lots of interesting stuff happened.

Schmidt plagiarizes and was exposed by Bill over at The Daily Bellwether. Props to Sloat for a good catch!

Coulter's appearance raises $26,000 for groups she's opposed to, and her speech was described as pretty tame lame. So, the NeoCons blew their money on a dud and helped raise money for groups they oppose. How lovely.

There's an ongoing controversy about a potential "Wall of Buildings" to be built in the area of the Banks. I don't think that's very likely, but Cincinnati's Planning Commission approved amendments allowing developers to build up to 30 stories. The current downtown building owners aren't too happy about losing their river view, but my question is, how do cities like New York and Chicago deal with this same issue on their shorelines?

Good Sam was named the number one hospital for births, in terms of numbers of babies born, in Ohio.

Did I mention that in the last couple o' weeks I added some new features to the Blurg? See those nifty icons below each post? They're for helping you share the articles you like via some of the more popular social bookmarking networks out there. Oh, yeah, I added Space Invaders to the right column too. Enjoy.

And lastly, it's been 10 years since the first blog was born. Happy Blogiversary!
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Heartless Bastards at Southgate House

Saturday night some friends dragged me to to the Southgate house to see the Heartless Bastards. I say dragged in that I wasn't really up for seeing the Bastards again, but Southgate is such a great venue and I knew I'd see tons of friends at the show. Well, I wasn't disappointed, in that everywhere I turned I saw someone I knew. That was pretty cool. But the show...

It's not that I don't like the Bastards, but I guess I never really got into them. Though I seem to be in the minority, and that's what I don't understand. Everyone I know from Cincy seems to be huge fans, and I think I have some theories, but I'm not sure. My first idea is that guys like them because they think that Erika is hot (she doesn't do it for me), and her ballsy vocals project a strong, confident exterior, which is also a reason I think women like her.

Unfortunately that's exactly the reason I don't care for her singing that much. On the first album (and in every show I've seen) Erica seems to be belting out her lyrics with such force that it seems to narrow her range into almost a monotone sound. Many of my friends not familiar with the Bastards have remarked that they thought it was a guy singing when they first heard the album. I just wish she was more dynamic. It almost sounds like she's already tired from a week of singing shows and is at the end of the night, struggling to push out her parts - even on the album.

For these reasons I never bought the first album - got a rip from a friend. I tried really hard to get into them, since EVERYONE I knew was and I kept being dragged to their shows. So then the second album came out and I thought that her vocal range expanded and that she intoned a great deal more. But she never really brought that articulation to any of their stage shows. This Saturday she was a bit more dynamic, but as soon as she got to songs from the first album (which made up all of the end of the show and encore), she slipped right back into her monotone roar.

And my other bitch is that the show was $15. For someone who has seen them for years for free, it's hard to pay that much. It was a decent show, I saw a ton of friends, but I enjoyed Pearline (who opened for them and I hadn't seen in a while) much, much more.

And there was some other group called White Girls in the first opening slot - notice I didn't say band. They sucked so bad, and even though I like punk - which is what I thought they were trying to go for - I couldn't take them for much more than a few songs. I turned around to say that we should go outside for a bit and my friends had already left (about halfway through the first song) and were sitting on the porch.
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Best Views of the City?

So City Council commissioned a $75k report on the best views of the city, "intended to help city planners formulate development guidelines within those view corridors." The 229 page plan was put together by Human Nature, a landscape architecture firm and The Hillside Trust, an advocacy and land conservation group. If you visit the first link I have here, you also get a nice Yahoo Maps guide to great views of the city. Some of the photography is so-so, but it gives you some great starting points for a fun day trip to take your own collection.

On one hand, I like that they spent the time to study these views and that there is the intention on using this info in urban planning. But $75k seems pretty steep to me for this report (and yes, I have actually read it). I applaud The Hillside Trust and their efforts over the years. I guess I'm more skeptical of the city actually using it in their planning and future development. I just hope this money wasn't wasted and that the report comes to good use.
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AHA: Thank You Ann Coulter!

No, Ann Coulter is not the latest AssHatAward winner (her head's so far up her ass she can't even smell her own bullsh*t anymore) - but it's because of her that the recipients got noticed: the Xavier University College Republicans.

And thanks to the Xavier University College Republicans and Young America’s Foundation bringing Ass Coulter to speak at Xavier University on September 6th, the GLBT rights group Equality Ohio was able to raise over $25,000 so far to help support students at XU working for justice, diversity, fairness and compassion. I love it. Her ignorant, racist, fascist, conservative rhetoric is actually doing some good - it's mobilizing people against her movement, and inadvertently helping to support organizations she rails against in her speeches. Nice job!

Coulter's speaking fee is over $20,000 - that's about $5 per XU student. I can't believe any organization would give a nickel to that intentionally bulimic c*nt - even the XUCR. Many conservatives don't want anything to do with her because of her continuously vile hate speech. So if you're wondering what kind of AssHat would pay that slut to come to Cincinnati, well look no further than your local Nazi party members. Hey XU kids, if you see these wankers walking around XU, give 'em a punch in the balls from me.

If you'd like to give to Equality Ohio and have them send a thank you note to Ann on your behalf, you can do so for as little as $5! They've exceeded every goal they set yet, and they're working toward $30,000 now.

Fun side note: there are 31 entries in the Urban Dictionary for Ann Coulter. Boy, she really has a lot of fans! One of my favorites includes this entry:

"Ann Coulter is actually a former drag queen from Key West named Pudenda Shenanigans. Ms. Shenanigans was famous for her renditions of 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' 'I will Survive' and 'You Shook Me All Night Long' as well as an extensive Barbra Streisand repertoire. We who used to work with her are concerned for her as well as upset by the vile hatred she has spewed towards her former friends in the gay community. We feel that by bringing the truth to light perhaps Ann will come to grips with her past and change her wicked ways.

As Pudenda Shenanigans, she was well known on the drag circuit in Key West. Whether she actually had a full sex change or not is a matter of debate, although her adam’s apple is still visible in photos, under the appropriate light."

She does look like a post-op tranny, doesn't she? Not that that's a bad thing - unless afterwards you become a huge anti-GLBT pundit like she has. If only she really was post-op - then at least she can't breed and that'd keep her f**ked up DNA out of the gene pool.
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Great theatre - for free!

The University of Cincinnati's College-Conservatory of Music has announced its 2007-2008 Studio Series, which are free productions theater and opera. CityBeat's A&E Blog picked up on this the other day, I'm just passing it along.

The theater in which these shows are performed is small and intimate and even though the performers are students these kids are some of the best. And this year they're doing TWO Sondheim shows!
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AHA: Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!

Been a busy week and I meant to blog this earlier. This week's AssHat is a real winner, and now that the week is over officially, I can definitely say that no one was able to top his AssHattery. Not only is he a child predator, but he's about the stupidest one I've ever heard of.

(Details and pic after the jump.)

So this genius decided to stalk someone he didn't know and supposedly met accidentally via a wrong number - even after she said she was an underage girl. I don't want to give any more away - read the article. But I can to tell you, jailarity ensues.

Definitely proof that the gene pool is mighty polluted.

BONUS ROUND: Anyone know the reference in the title of my post?
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Regatta destroys OTR?

The good folks over at Cincinnati Downtown Parents pointed out that this weekend's Rubber Duck Regatta will help raise money that will be funding the demolition of two historic OTR buildings so they can build a parking lot for semi trailers.

(Pics of the buildings after the jump.)

I never go to RiverFest anyway (too crowded), and have never participated in the Regatta. But I wanted to spread the word in case you're thinking of sponsoring one of those cute little ducks this weekend. I'm not saying they're satan's waterfowl, but I just wanted you to know where your money's potentially going. I think this is an important issue and the Freestore needs to be made aware of how you stand on it.
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Comprehensive guide to local WiFi

Is there one? One that brings together all hotspots and lists them on one page or in one database/map? I know that LilyPad has a listing of their stuff - you know how much I love LilyPad - and so does ZoomTown and you can look up the T-Mobile Hotspots on their site. But is there one local page that aggregates all that data, including independent hotspots at coffeeshops, bars, etc.? Or perhaps a larger national/international resource that has local WiFi details?

If it's not already available, is anyone interested setting it up? Or helping me set it up? Or using a resource already available (if there is one) and making sure it's up-to-date with the latest status on connectivity?

I want to make sure we have a comprehensive resource that is not only searchable by zipcode/address, but has maps and lists the details of each spot including signal quality ratings, cost/free, security, range, etc. If you're interested in helping, please contact me!
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Climb the Big Mac!

Frankly, I didn't know the Purple People Bridge Climb had closed, but I'm not surprised. It was way too expensive and frankly not all that thrilling of a concept. The bridge really isn't that high, nor is it especially impressive in terms of architecture.

What they need to do is setup a bridge climb on the Daniel Carter Beard Bridge, AKA the Big Mac bridge. Now THAT would be exciting. I've suggested this in conversation before but everyone always points out that because the bridge has vehicular traffic on it (interstate traffic no less), that it'd probably be out of the question. And that is when I say America get over yourself with your litigious bullsh*t and overactive safety paranoia. They do it in Down Undah!

(More about the Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb, including photos, after the jump.)

The Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb is THE original bridge climb attraction - almost every other bridge climb in existence got its idea from them, including the Purple People Bridge Climb. And the Sydney bridge carries over 160,000 vehicles per day. So why can't we do a bridge climb on the Big Mac bridge?!

Just think of the view: Big Mac's the highest of all our downtown bridges and it's all the way to one end of the city, so there's a nice view of all other bridges from there. And the architecture of that bridge is far more interesting.

I say let's all grow a pair and climb away on the golden arches! I'm up for it, how about you?
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Review suggestions?

I'm interested in doing more reviews of local restaurants/bars, perhaps even starting a whole section of the site devoted to them. Do any of you have any suggestions on which places you'd like to see me review?

Any place that you haven't been yet that you're too timid to try yourself? Send me! I'm always up for an adventure! An establishment that you would really like to hear my take on? Wind me up and let me go!
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Republican Newsletter

In the Enquirer's online article about Gonzales' resignation, I noticed that six out of the seven politicians they quoted were Republican. Now we all know the Enquirer's editorial board are a bunch of conservative wankers, but guys, c'mon, try not to be so blatant about it. I mean, there's still like one or two people in the tri-state that still believe you're fair and balanced.

Also, most of the Republicans quoted praised Gonzales and denounced the Democrats for creating the situation that led to his resignation. Even though there are many Republicans that were happy to see him go, none of them were quoted.

The Enquirer could use the excuse that all those quoted were local officials, but they could have easily widened their coverage to get a more balanced look at the situation - it's not like they'd have had to do any more work: almost all senators and congressionals have press releases on their websites with official statements on major news like this.

(I was considering giving the Enquirer a BullSh*tMeter reading for this, but I decided most of you probably just see this as business as usual for the Enquirer.)
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West Chester is unsafe!

OMG! Run for your lives suburbanites! The Northern Suburbs are unsafe!

It's a sad state of affairs that I actually laugh when I hear about crime in northern Hamilton County, or southern Butler/Warren County. But after hearing so many people put the city down as an unsafe war zone, it brings a smile to my face to see reports of crime in the burbs.

And when I see bank heists and shootouts in West Chester, I love to generalize that all the northern suburbs are dangerous, because, well, aren't they? I mean if the Whitey McWhitersons of Lebanon and Fairfield can say the city is unsafe when they hear about a shooting in Bond Hill, or that downtown is unsafe when they hear about a murder in Over the Rhine, can't I generalize about the Wild West atmosphere of the great northern plains where Loveland gangsters and the Masonite Mafia terrorize the fragile citizenry?!

In this post I'm using the names of the burbs interchangeably and city neighborhoods interchangeably because I've heard this story told with every possible combination. No matter which burb they're from the burbians usually think that all parts of the city are the same, in terms of crime/demographics. Half the time they don't even know their way around the city enough to know the geographical difference between neighborhoods. I've actually had people who were coming to visit me in Northside say, "Now you live downtown, is it safe for me to park there?" When I explain that I'm nowhere near downtown, they say, "Well, same thing."

I'm so sick of the people in Milford and Montgomery whining about the scary Canadians they see when they visit downtown for a ball game. And I'm not talking about panhandlers - I've heard them complain when they just SEE Canucks walking our streets. They run right back to their McMansion sanctuaries as soon as they can after the game any way, but they continue to perpetuate the unsafe city image just because they're racist sh*theads.

Never mind the bandits with knives shaking down the local general store in Lily White Land. When it happens there it's an anomaly, but when it happens here it's further evidence of the city's decline. I'm sorry, but suburban crime makes me smile.
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Uniform Makes the Man

Saw some cops today. They looked really friendly in their summer uniforms. They should be able to wear them (or at least a variation of them) all year round.

Compared to the white 'dress' uniform they normally wear, the shorts and polo shirt really made them less intimidating. And the guys wearing it weren't bike cops, they were regular patrol officers in squad cars. I've seen this in other municipalities and I think it has a positive effect.

Plus they look kinda cute in their summer gear. I definitely like the bike cops in their shorts - when you ride around all day, especially with so much gear, you're gonna have great legs.

Anyone got any pictures of the Cinti cops in their summer uniforms? I couldn't find any on the web.
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The sheriff is a Canadian!

So, I was talking with some friends the other day and I discovered a very interesting new term. Well, at least new to me. 'Canadians.'

The friends I was speaking to were Black. I say Black because I think African-American is a presumptuous phrase - perhaps they were African-Bahamian or African-British or even French-African-Canadian - how would I know unless they told me directly? And, although we're friends, we've never discussed heritage, so, as I said, they were Black. (I am Caucasian, for the record, of English and French descent, and although some of my friends know that about me they don't refer to me as an English-French-American nor would I expect that.)

So the phrase they introduced me to was 'Canadians.' One of my friends is from the South (that's the Southeastern United States to be precise) and she told me that she had recently discovered that White people had been calling her Canadian.

She told me a story of when she was working in a shop in the South and she overheard some of her customers complaining that they were always waited on by a Canadian at that place. She didn't understand what they were talking about and assumed they must be talking about someone else.

After this happened several times with different patrons, she mentioned it to one of her coworkers. He told her that 'Canadian' was the new derogatory term that racist Southerners were using to describe persons they would have previously referred to as [N-word]s. And for various reasons it didn't sound at all unusual for the average backwards-ass Southerner to say things like, "Those damn Canadians," or "The problem is all those Canadians."

I was blown away and decided to put my newfound linguistic knowledge to the test. A cursory search of the Google turned up no references. I called some other Black friends and they all informed me that although they hadn't heard it themselves, they weren't surprised.

So, have you heard this phrasing used in this context? Has it made its way to Cincinnati yet (other than my friend's account)? Have I actually 'broke' this story? What other phrases have you heard used instead, to hide racist language?

By the way, if you thought the title of this post had anything to do with Si Leis, then you obviously haven't seen or forgot one of the funniest scenes in Blazing Saddles.
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On my radar: spacetropic

So the blog spacetropic came to my notice recently - mainly because he blogged about me and emailed me notice of the fact. I do love it when bloggers are courteous enough to let you know when they blog about you. But I would have found out eventually... I have my minions crawling the web, searching, digging [insert evil laugh here]. Oh, how I do love Google Alerts!

I have to admit I don't always email people when I blog about them. Some of my posts about others are more like shots across the bow, but emailing them about it would be a declaration of war.

So, I like spacetropic, and I would like to link to him, but currently I'm not linking to blogs/sites that don't have a specifically Cincinnati focus. I really try to stay on message. Yes there are several other blogs that I do read regularly, but I don't often post about them here or link to them. Some of them are national in nature, some are done by people I know locally, some I just like. But if they're not Cincinnati-centric in content - Michelle Lentz's My Wine Education comes to mind - I just don't see a place here where I could link them. Perhaps if/when I organize my links a bit better and do yet another face-lift on my layout I will find a space to link to other blogs I like.

Now to address the comments Brendan made about me on spacetropic. He calls me both crass AND prolific. Nice. So far, he gets it. ;) Then he says something that really cracked me up, "...it's another female blogger who writes about events of the day - or at least does so sometimes, in between the predictable self-infatuation and yipping that come with being 20s-ish."

Like us gurls online usually only write diary-like drivel without substantial content! (Okay, fine, most of the wenches out here in the blogosphere usually do.) I will admit that this blurg is definitely me-centric - but mainly Cincy-centric - however you can't forget, I'm one hot bitch. But seriously folks, I really want to be personal as much as I am political, emotional as much as I am logical, and crass as much as I am prolific. Now that last one may be hard to balance with my foul mouth, but I'm tryin.

My favorite part is his assumption that I'm 20s-ish. I wish! As you'll note from my recent comments on the whores at The Ranch, I'm no longer in my 20s. But that's all you get to know, a gurl doesn't reveal her true age after 25. I will say I've had MANY twenty-fifth birthdays.
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Tarbell's Trip cut short

Apparently Jim's spontaneity cost him big this time. His run for school board was over almost before it began. It's a shame, because I think he could have brought some fresh perspective to the board, although what we really need are some hard core number crunchers to iron out CPS's budget issues.

Why did they start so late? Was this really a last-minute idea or poor planning? And for people so connected in politics how could they not come up with 300 valid sigs? What do you think of what's left of the candidates for the board?
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Child dies in hot car

Jebus, this is a sad story, and I really hesitate to comment until we know all the facts, but I just can't keep quiet. How ever this went down, there are some startling facts and statistics brought up in this article.

"The death of the girl infant was at least the second car and heat-related death in the nation Thursday."

"...Thursday’s death was the 23rd such fatality involving a child in a vehicle this year..."

(More stats and my opinion after the jump.)

"In a matter of 10 minutes, the temperature inside the Mercedes could have reached close to 120 degrees. Jan Null, an adjunct professor of meteorology at San Francisco University, said the car’s temperature could have been in excess of 145 degrees and that objects in direct sunlight would have been much hotter."

“You see these types of stories all the time,” Lt. Scott Gaviglia of the Union Township Police Department said. “My experience is there is no class or educational boundaries. Just drive through a Kroger parking lot and see who leaves their kids in the car.”

"Last year, 29 children died after being left in hot cars. Between 1998 and 2007, there have been 344 such deaths..."

"...close to 40 percent of all children who died in a hot car were forgotten."

That last one scares the bejebus outta me. What the hell is wrong with these parents?

NOTE: I'm not pointing fingers at the lady in this current incident, as we don't know what happened.

But anyone who does forget their kids in a car needs to be locked in there too on a day like today, until they're nice and crispy. I'd really like to hear from you all on this one!
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Get the latest updates from CincyBlurg delivered!

I've added an RSS/Atom feed to the site. Get the latest updates delivered right to your browser, reader, or inbox!

You do this by subscribing to the site, which is simple and easy. If all of this seems confusing, let me explain feeds/RSS/Atom to you in more detail.

Did you read about what a subscription is? Good. Then you're ready to go. Hope you enjoy the regular feed!
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What is a subscription?

Do you want to keep up to date with the latest posts on CincyBlurg?

We have a number of ways that you can subscribe to this site and receive updates. The main one that our readers use is our RSS/Atom feed.

What is RSS/Atom?

RSS is a technology that is being used by millions of web users around the world to keep track of their favorite websites. Atom is just a new version of the same technology, with a few more features and better compatibility. Lately they are often used interchangeably.

In the ‘old days’ of the web to keep track of updates on a website you had to ‘bookmark’ websites in your browser and manually return to them on a regular basis to see what had been added.

The problems with bookmarking

• You as the web surfer had to do all the work
• It can get complicated when you are trying to track many websites at once
• You miss information when you forget to check your bookmarks
• You end up seeing the same information over and over again on sites that don’t update very often

RSS Changes Everything
What if you could tell a website to let you know every time that they update? In a sense, this is what RSS does for you.

RSS flips things around a little and is a technology that provides you with a method of getting relevant and up to date information sent to you for you to read in your own time. It saves you time and helps you to get the information you want quickly after it was published.

RSS stands for ‘Really Simple Syndication’. Many people describe it as a ‘news feed’ that you subscribe to.

The ’subscription’ description is helpful. It’s like subscribing to a magazine that is delivered to you periodically but instead of it coming in your physical mail box each month when the magazine is published it is delivered to your ‘RSS Reader’ every time your favorite website updates.

How to Use RSS
Get an RSS Reader - The first thing you’ll want to do if you’re getting into reading sites via RSS is to hook yourself up with an RSS Feed Reader.

There are many feed readers going around with a variety of approaches and features - however a good place to start is with a couple of free and easy to use web based ones like Google Reader and Bloglines. Either one will do if you’re starting out (I use Google’s Reader) - as I say there are many others to choose from but to get started either of these are fairly easy to use and will help you work out the basics of RSS.

Both of these feed readers work a little like email. As you subscribe to feeds you’ll see that unread entries from the sites you’re tracking will be marked as bold. As you click on them you’ll see the latest update and can read it right there in the feed reader. You are given the option to click through to the actual site or move onto the next unread item - marking the last one as ‘read’.

The best way to learn how to use either Google Reader or Bloglines is to simply subscribe to some feeds and give it a go. Both have good help sections to get you up and running.

Note: other options for tracking websites that you might already be familiar with include using pages like MyYahoo, MyGoogle and MyMSN.

Find Some Feeds to Subscribe to - there are two places to look for a site’s feed:

1. On the Site
2. In Your Browser

On Site Subscription

Over the last few years you may have noticed a lot of little buttons and widgets appearing on your favorite sites and blogs. Little orange buttons, ‘counters’ with how many ‘readers a blog has, links called RSS, XML, ATOM and many more.

Any time you see these buttons or anything like them it means that the site you are viewing almost certainly has a feed that you can subscribe to. In most cases it’s as simple as either copying and pasting the link associated with the button into your RSS Reader or clicking the button and following the instructions to subscribe using the feed reader of your choice.

Browser Subscription

Many internet browsers now have the ability to find and subscribe to RSS feeds built right into them.

When you surf to a site you can usually tell if it has an RSS feed by looking in the right hand side of address bar where you type in the site’s URL.

Here’s how it looks when you’re using Firefox:


See the little orange icon on the right hand side? Click that and you’ll be locating CincyBlurg’s RSS feed.

Using Safari Browser it is a blue RSS icon:


Other modern browsers will have similar icons.

To quickly and easily subscribe by clicking these icons you’ll want to set up your browser to do it with your feed reader of choice as by default they will probably subscribe you using the in-browser reader. You can do this by going to the ‘preferences’ to your browser and choosing ‘Google Reader’ or ‘Bloglines’ etc as your feed reader.

Once you’ve done this and have subscribed to a few feeds you’ll begin to see unread items in your Feed Reader and you can start reading.

Don’t want to Use an RSS Reader? Email is an Option

If the above explanation all just seems a little too complicated for you then please don’t worry. Many sites also enable you to subscribe to RSS feeds via a more familiar medium - Email.

Here at CincyBlurg we know that not everyone is into the RSS thing so below our feed link there's a link to be updated via email with a daily summary of our latest posts. You can unsubscribe at any time and your email will be kept private and not used for any other purposes than to send these daily updates.

Further Reading on RSS

• How to Explain RSS the Oprah Way
• Getting Started with RSS
• Beginners Guide to RSS

(This page was adapted from a page at ProBlogger, a great resource for bloggers. Thanks!)
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WTF? The Ranch: Whores and Bores

So Saturday night after dinner we were walking around downtown debating on where to go for a drink, when we realized that there was a Bengals game that night. We, of course, had no idea until we saw so many people on the street wearing orange and black - yeah, big f**king sports fans my lot are. Knowing that there'd be a ton of people out, we decided to head north toward Arnold's and/or North Main to get away from the crowds of fair-weather suburbanite bar patrons that only go out if they're downtown for a game.

Well, we passed by the Cadillac Ranch - which you already know is my FAVORITE place in the world - and there was a line down the block of about 60+ people waiting to get in. I couldn't believe it. What the hell is the appeal of that sh*thole?! THE ONLY F**KING BEER THEY HAVE ON TAP IS BUD LIGHT!

A quick scan of the crowd confirmed my suspicion that these were the same suburbanite football fans I mentioned before. But my question is, what is it about that place that draws infrequent downtown visitors to it like flies on sh*t? Was Q102 doing some free bl*wjob with a beer promotion?

And what's with all the women all whored up? I mean, if they moved a few steps closer to the edge of the sidewalk they'd have caused an accident with all the johns trying to pull over to purchase their wares. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but why the hell is the Paris Hilton easy-as-a-two-dollar-ho look the standard uniform for every girl out clubbing? Don't any of these bitches have some self-respect? I mean, they might as well wear signs that say, "I'll spread it for an appletini."
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Hot eats late after a cool performance

So my new buddy Shawn over at Cincinnati Arts blog just updated (he gives credit to his intern for the html legwork) his Eating After the Show page. I have to tell you, I've been using this resource for a while now, ever since I found it about six months back.

It's got detailed listings of the hours of operation of the kitchens of various food-serving establishments in and around downtown. He even just added a new section for Clifton/University Heights.

The page is part of a number of pages on CincinnatiArts.com that are designed to help break the ice for the arts-uninitiated, including info on convenient eating after an evening performance, what to wear to certain types of arts events, etc.

They could probably go a step farther and add a page on parking, but that's a bitch to maintain so I understand if they don't - I'm sure it's hard enough keeping the restaurant list up-to-date. I bring up the parking only because I hear people bitch about parking downtown more than any other complaint - and honestly, parking downtown is a breeze, most people are just STUPID and don't pay attention (I'll save this for another rant another time).

Cincinnati Arts is part of a group of websites by Enjoy the Arts, a great organization that helps get people into the arts by providing various memberships that get you free and discount tickets to tons of cool stuff all over the area. It used to be just for students, but these days there's a membership level for every age group. I highly recommend getting one - you save a ton of money and find out about lots of cool sh*t you wouldn't normally hear about!
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Another place, another TIME

While searching Google for some local arts info I ran across this article, and immediately started reading it without noticing the date it was published. It's a pretty interesting piece on the Cincinnati May Festival, but it's dated 1939. It was weird because before I noticed the date I kept thinking the writing was somehow odd, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

(See a picture of the cover after the jump.)


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AHA: Bob Buford

So, good ol' Bobby B, the Chicagoland troll that lurks around Cincinnati Blog's comments decided to chime in about my humble site, my lack of substance, and my fast-approaching demise. Well, I won't get into my response here in detail, as you can read it yourself, but I told him to go outside and play, "Hide and Go F**k Yourself!"

More importantly, let's look at Bob himself. I could sit here and call him a conservative idiot, a racist, a complete moron - oh, wait, I just did. But why take my word for it. Just look at his own words. They paint the picture far more eloquently than I could.

He's been lurking in the shadows of Brian's blog for a while now, even after he moved out of the city. He continues to comment on the state and affairs of Cincinnati, as if he has any idea what's going on here, or ever did. In one of his posts last year he mentions that he used to live right near the Oldenburg brewery before he was old enough to drink. So he's an uppity white kid who grew up in the suburbs of Northern Kentucky and thinks he has all the answers to the worlds problems - and they tend to sound like he's copying them from his KKK Youth Manual.

Well, Bob, I really don't need to say much more about you, as anyone willing to read through your own writing will find out everything they need to know. I'll leave you, my dear readers, with this little tidbit that I unfortunately can't take credit for myself, but I think will bring to you as much of a guffaw as it did me:
J.N. Atailya's May 11th response to Bob's comments...

Bob,

It's time you had the surgery to remove the pieces of spine that are hindering you from keeping your c**k in your mouth, where it belongs. I know you spent a good deal of your youth fighting to stay limber enough to self-fellate. But now, thanks to the wonders of modern surgery, you can once again fill your c**k holster with your very own pants meat -- meager as it is.

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If it floats, it's a duck. Or a boat. Or a witch.

I came by this story via some posts on some other blogs (Musings and Building) and although I try not to be 'me too' with my posts, I really wanted to throw my $0.02 in and bring more attention to this issue.

My take on the boat is this: if it floats, then it floats. It's a beautiful piece of living history that's still doing what it was built to do. If it has lasted this long then I'm sure it'll last a lot longer than any of us assh*les debating its seaworthiness. If there's a problem with the boat's hull, then take it off-line and fix/reinforce it.

After reading Tony from Musing's ordeal with contacting the congressman opposing the exemption, I really considered James Oberstar D-8th District MN for an AssHatAward, but another candidate nominated himself.
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New Blog, New Links

A quick shout-out to Cincinnati Now, another new blog in the Cincy blogosphere. Looks like a great start, keep it up!

While looking at his page, I was inspired to re-categorize my CincyLinks and things suddenly got out of hand. So now I've got links to CincyMusic, CincyArts, CincyTheatre, CincyFilm, and even CincyFun. I'm glad I did this, because my CincyResources list was getting a little out of hand - but I didn't mean to waste most of my afternoon doing this! And it fills out my new 3-column layout quite nicely.

So, please, check out my links on either side, and let me know if you think of any I'm missing. ATTENTION: NERD ALERT! While going through my CincyFun links you might find some things that you wouldn't necessarily think of as 'fun,' like the Mercantile Library. Well I'm a big nerd, so they're on my list. Deal wit it!
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Who is that masked person? Part Deux

I got the most cryptic email last night. Someone yet again thought they knew who I was, that is, my secret identity. But they were quite cagey about it. Well, as I've said before, us superheroes don't reveal our secret identity because even Petey Parker knows 'with great power comes great responsibility.'

But this time I was almost literally ROTFL IRL (aren't you sick of those abbreviations?!). Well, I hate to disappoint my personal private eye, but NO, I'm not Nick Spencer. Although his blog's been dead for almost a year, I'm sure he's pretty busy with finding new people to invest in a new club that just might stay open for six months. Anyway, I really don't think Nick's afraid to speak his mind, so what would be the point of him authoring this blog?

(Cool new graphics after the jump.)

Sorry Charlie, you just wasted your one guess. No second tries here. BTW, you guys are pretty chauvinistic with all the male guesses. I never said I was a guy. In fact, I said I was a girl. What's up with this crazy second-guessing my gender?

I decided that I should post some new pics of me, to further dispel any rumors. I've also added another one to the About page. Enjoy!
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GFS: New Kid on the Block, er Blog - BuyCincy

There's a new blog in town, and I love it! It's just the kind of thing we need... a site that encourages/enables shopping with local vendors.

From their about page:

BuyCincy is an attempt to highlight the uniqueness of Cincinnati in the face of increasing international homogeneity. We hope to inspire you to head to your local grocer, hardware store, furniture store, restaurant, etc. instead of driving to nearest the boring, flavorless, formulated big-box. By choosing to support locally-owned stores, we can contribute to the cool places that help make Cincinnati special while strengthening the local economy.

BuyCincy is run by downtown resident and lifelong Cincinnatian Sean Fisher. Sean is a University of Cincinnati student majoring in Urban Studies. He is also involved in environmental issues in Cincinnati, working to help organize the local chapter of the international movement Green Drinks.

I thought this site would be the perfect choice to inaugurate my GoldF-ingStar award.
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GFS: GoldF-ingStar

Ok, so call mE gimmicky, but I'm on a roll here - and having fun, so kiss my stink.

I've been both positive and negative on the blurg, but I've got two awards BSM & AHA that are negative, and I decided that no amount of cheerleading was going to balance out unless I created a positive award. So I came up with the GoldF-ingStar.

Now you're gonna have to take the name in stride and jest, it's just a crass term for a truly benevolent accolade. Remember when we were kids and we got a gold star on our papers from the teacher? That was THE sh*t! Thus I wanted to have something that would bestow the same sense of pride and honor, er maybe not honor, but pride anyway.

So here we have it, the GoldF-ingStar. Given to people who make significant contributions to the city, region, etc., be it service, activism, achievement, or the advancement of the local blogosphere. And other stuff I think up as I go along.

And YES, I know I need to come up with a better graphic. I was trying to do this at work and had to be kinda covert, so I didn't really put much time into it. I'll fix it soon.
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You are an insignificant speck of dust.

'nuff said.

(An even better vid after the jump!)

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Some of the weirdest concert footage ever...

This is Iggy Pop & the Stooges live from 'the stadium' (Riverfront?) in Cincinnati, June 1970, on a program called Midsummer Rock, complete with sportscaster color commentary and a Falstaff beer commercial break.

My favorite part is around 5:36 when Iggy, who's moving through the crowd, completes the refrain:

"I feel alright! I feel alright!"

And some chick in the crowd, apparently close to the mic, asks him, "Are you alright?" in a very concerned, motherly voice. That cracked me up.

The sound is really bad and although I know YouTube's compression didn't do it any favors, I'd have to say the original sound feed to the television guys probably wasn't that great to begin with. The video's pretty crappy too - probably was from the start - but that too has a lot to do with YouTube.

A real treat comes at the end when the second sportscaster makes his way through the crowd talking to random people while Led Zepplin performs in the background. You should see the 'brain trust' that he interviews. They're a real bunch of winners. I can just imagine my parents and their generation watching this and saying, "Look at those stupid hippies. Midge, if that's the future of America, God help us all."
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Simpsonize Me!

So I finally got around to checking out the Burger King / Simpsons Movie promotional site, Simpsonize Me. I tried it before, right when I first saw the commercial, but the traffic was way too heavy and the site was unavailable for days. Then I forgot about it.

(Full body version of me Simpsonized after the jump.)

I don't know what made me check it out again, but I'm glad I did - it's really fun. Here's me, 'Simpsonized.' I added this to my profile.

So, why don't you Simpsonize yourself, and post the results in the comments section!
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Migration Complete - sort of.

So, I was able to move all the posts over from the old WordPress site, but I couldn't move the comments. I tried to manually re-enter them, but then they would look like the came from me, and it just wasn't worth the hassle.

I was considering leaving them up on the old site, but I didn't want it to look like an abandoned blog, so I killed all posts there so they wouldn't be indexed any more and built a page and a post pointing here.

Sorry about the comments gang, but there's just no way to do it (at least that I can figure out).

So let's move forward and please comment here!
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The Limelight is Bright!

Crap, crap, crap. I'm still in the middle of migrating posts over from the old WordPress site, and I just got linked on Cincinnati Blog and aggregated on Cinplify. As previously stated, I had hoped to be done with the migration in a week, but it's gone way longer than that (my work recently has been taking up much of my free time).

Because I have so many pictures in my posts (my layout and thus my CSS changed significantly) and I'm trying to really think through my category tagging this time (the last site's tags were very scatter-shot), moving each post over has to be done manually, and it's a bitch. I guess if I weren't so picky, I'd just drop it all in, but I am so I'm not. Plus I've had the opportunity to correct some grammatical errors along the way.

Well, I'm gonna dig in and get it all done, since I feel like I got caught with my pants down - maybe not that bad, but I definitely have toilet paper stuck to my heel.
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AHA: Smokers

So, I was at UDF the other day finishing a cellphone call outside before going in - I find it rude to be on the phone while someone is trying to help me behind the counter/ring me up - and I noticed all these little burn marks on the top of the garbage can out front where people had put down their cigarettes before they went in. Either they took too long or forgot them, and the cigs melted fat little lines in the top of the plastic can. I knew what they were because there were a few that still had the filters lying at the end of the melted rut.

So, I hate smoking. I can't remember if I mentioned that before. But I do. And most smokers are rude and self-centered when it comes to their habit. They actually think the have a RIGHT to pollute the air within my vicinity.

And they usually don't care about littering the landscape with their smoldering butts - it amazes me how many smokers litter ALL THE TIME without a second thought. A few years ago I actually had someone at a party at my apartment throw his butt off my balcony and into the yard of my building. I confronted him about it, and he said I was one of those uptight non-smokers, so I threw him out and told my friend who brought him never to bring him around again. Where do these AssHats get off?

Now that smoking has been banned in businesses and indoor public places there are even more butts lining the gutter outside of bars and buildings. I'd love to see littering enforced more, with high fines and stiff penalties, especially on the butt-throwers.
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Downtown Survey

DCI has a survey on downtown. It's been up since at least June (maybe longer), but still seems to be active. Enjoy.

Sorry, nothing else to say.
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40 under 40

Not gonna be a hater. Some I know, some I don't. Congrats to all. Would like to see more of them involved in civic action and community service, though.

Sorry, nothing else to say.
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Winners of Best Blog

So they picked the top two blogs:

• Drew Steinbrecher's DesignCincinnati
• Michelle Lentz's My Wine Education

(My opinion of the winners after the jump.)

Michelle's wine blog is actually a really good read, if you're interested in wine. For someone uneducated but eager to learn about wine like I am, it's nice to join Michelle in her personal journey. But my problem is, although she covers local wine events, it's not really a Cincy-centric blog. It's more a personal blog whose author happens to be in Cincinnati - if she lived anywhere else, the blog would be pretty much the same. She does cover local bars and restaurants somewhat, but it seems to be less of a focus and more of a footnote. I still congratulate her and encourage her to continue her stimulating writing. Her site has become one of my oft-read bookmarks.

Drew's blog is, however, a disappointing choice. I don't like the look of his site, aesthetically or in terms useability - frankly I find it hard to read, especially the italicized text. And I don't find his subject matter to be of particular importance to the city - at least not enough for best blog. I do however read it on occasion, and have found several interesting pieces of news or resources because of his blog. I'd probably be a lot more open to his site if I could read it without getting a headache or straining my eyes, but I still don't see it as one of the best.
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BSM: YawnFest 2007

Hurry and sign up for BOLD FUSION 2007, the Chamber's annual YP summit where our "best and brightest" can sit around and hear from speakers about how they're the best and brightest and the answer to all the city's ills, and then leave to drink at some yuppie watering hole, never to do a damn thing to make an actual change in the city.

Ok, so I exaggerate, but with the lofty ideas talked about at past Bold Fusions, you'd think that the participants would be out in the streets, fired up and ready to take real action. Instead I've seen too many of them breaking their own arms patting themselves on the back while talking about what they already do to help the city, without really being interested in anyone else's efforts or working together.

This year's keynote speaker is Carol Coletta is the host of the syndicated public radio show Smart City, so the event is showing some promise. But I'm not sure I like the sound of this:

"At this year's event, YOU, the rest of our YP community, and our local leadership will create the future of Cincinnati USA with the launch of Agenda 360, a comprehensive community action plan to align our region and its leaders on a common set of strategies for our city's evolution."

At first glance, this sounds all well and good, but a second reading uncovers a (thinly veiled) attempt to not really get input from local YPs, but to sell them on the Chamber's preconceived plan (with a few variables to make it seem customized). Sorry to be so skeptical, but I've been to too many of these kinds of events and seen the Chamber pull this sh*t before. Hopefully they can prove me wrong, but I will keep breathing regularly just in case.

If the Chamber put as much work into actual community action as they do into developing marketing language to sell the status quo... but I digress. Congrats! Although not all the way pegged, the Chamber has got BullSh*tMeter's needle jumping.
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Mejana Moving to Tri-County

Sad. Does anyone know what exactly caused this great Mediterranean restaurant to leave downtown? I just can't see such eclectic cuisine working inside a mall that boasts a food court and a Ruby Tuesdays. Or really any mall.

At least we still have Andy's!

Sorry, nothing else to say.
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New Poll: City Council Incumbents

I put up a new poll (in the lower right column), but unfortunately it's hard to see the choices as this is a new feature to Blogger and they haven't worked out all the customizing kinks yet. I've also pasted it below, which should be more readable. Enjoy!

(Poll after jump.)

Will you vote for any of the current City Council incumbents?


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BSM & AHA: The Cincinati Beacon

Double the pleasure, double the fun... This week we have two awards going to the same person!

Oh, WAAH!! The Beacon didn't get considered for the best blog in Cincinnati on CincyTechUSA's list. It MUST be a conspiracy designed to "stop the real contenders from getting additional publicity," according to The Dean.

You've GOT to be kidding me. The Chamber made up rules to keep your blog out of the contest?! They're hiding Cincinnati's great social unrest and political dissent by keeping multi-author blogs out of the contest! It's a conspiracy. No where does he mention that many of the individual blogs listed all link to many of the local multi-author blogs in their blogrolls.

(More of Haap's BS and his AHA after the jump.)

I'm no big fan of the Chamber, but maybe the rules are just what they say they are: a way to recognize the hard work of individual bloggers? Is that so hard to believe?

Jason Haap, A.K.A., the DEAN of Cincinnati, actually posited that "the REAL top blogs in Cincinnati" were:

1. The Cincinnati Beacon
2. CityBeat’s Porkopolis
3. The Cincinnati Black Blog
4. CincyNewsAche

How about the big brass ones on this guy? The Beacon is one of the top blogs in Cincy? Of course you see the usual conspiracy theory that Jason's manufacturing: The Beacon, Cinti Black Blog, Porkopolis, they're all gonna be excluded because they're vocal critics of the Chamber. Of course he didn't stop consider that maybe it's because those blogs suck.

Porkopolis? Flannery's excuse to expose the public to more of his wacko commie pinko leftist claptrap that wouldn't fit in his column. Actually I kiid, I kiid. Usually Greg is just editing the column and the blog, but stand back when he actually does put two words together. They're sure to be memorable. The Cinti Black Blog? Don't get me started on Nate, I'll save that for another time. NewsAche is a well written blog but really, it's a one trick pony: bitch about the Enquirer. It's nice for an occasional read, but gets old real quick. Yeah we all know the Enquirer/Gannett sucks, I don't need to analyze it over and over. This guys got quite the obsession. And then there's The Beacon? One of the best?! Get real. But more on that in a bit.

Or maybe Haap's head is so far up his own ass he doesn't smell the sh*t any more... which brings me to our other dishonorable mention for this week: The Dean, AssHat Extraordinaire.

I've been reading the Beacon since it emerged and The Dean's old blog before that. At first I really thought he had some promise: he pledged to foster intellectual discourse on his site's forums. But in a short time (long before the Beacon) it became apparent that the only opinion he was really interested in, was his own.

I know, I know what you're thinking: doesn't that exactly describe CincyBlurg? Well, yes and no. In general, I do like the hear myself talk, otherwise I wouldn't bother with a blurg. I also have no illusions about that fact, nor do I describe this site to the contrary.

The problem with the Beacon is that they're a bunch of wanna-be journalists who don't treat anyone with respect and bash people if they're not willing to get sucked down into their mud-slinging. We've seen this several times, all the way back to the Dean days, but most recently with Jason's article on Joan Kaup. I'm mean, dude, get over it. She wanted to meet face to face - I applaud her for that. And making a big deal out of the missed appointment? Well he apparently dosen't spend much time conducting real business or you'd know that busy schedules can become difficult. This is yet another example of someone bumping into his fragile little ego and in retaliation Haap manufacturing a story where there is none.

Justin Jeffre and a few of the others in the Beacon crew seem like nice enough people, but when you run with a guy like Haap, you lose your credibility. Funny thing, I've seen/heard Jeffre referred to as a "Haap follower" and the Jason's "boy." For the most part anything he had done previously to his involvement with the Beacon is become a distant memory.

So this week's BullSh*tMeter reading goes to The Dean and the Beacon, who buried the needle once again. Surf's up! And he topped it off with an AssHat Award. Nice. I need to think up another award as I'm sure he'll be able to nail the trifecta in the future, again and again.
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GIMME A BUD BITCH!

I know I bitched about the Cadillac Ranch before, but I honestly had never been there (every thing I knew about it was secondhand. Well, a colleague insisted we meet for drinks there after work. After unsuccessfully trying to persuade her to go to Arnold's, she dragged me to this hellhole.

First of all, the decor is exactly like I had said before, redneck chic - they even have a mechanical bull. But it's basically a fake roadhouse-looking sports bar with the same old meat and potatoes unimaginative 'American' cuisine. It was packed and we were forced to stand - I can't believe how many morons, er, patrons were there on an average weekday at happy hour.

It was a really hot day and I thought a nice cool beer would help change my increasingly sour mood. Of course they ONLY have Bud Light on tap. Their selection of good bottled beer was incredibly scarce, but I managed to find one that was acceptable. After being bumped into more times than I can count, I could see my friend was annoyed with the Ranch and needed a change of scenery.

I downed my swill and forced my companion to chug hers, then we exited and after a short walk in the blazing heat I introduced her to the calm, friendly atmosphere of Arnold's bar. She had never been, but ended up checking out the menu and insisted we stay for dinner. So I blew off my prior plans and stayed to enjoy a wonderful dinner with my new Arnold's fan.

Friends don't let friends drink Bud Light.
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¡ Migration in Progress !

Note: If you see a bunch of past posts suddenly appearing, then I'm still in the migration process from WordPress. WordPress was a nice system, rendered very pretty pages, had nice templates to start with and the back end was quite smooth, but it had little to no expandability on the free hosting server. To customize anything, you needed to purchase a paid upgrade, or move the hosting to your own hosting service.

Google's take over of Blogger has finally really seen it's influence with the latest release of the templates and update of the back-end interface. It's pretty straight forward and gives you a ton of options, if you know how to add in your own code and can modify the templates. Plus you have lots of free storage space on your Google acct, via Google Page Creator, Google Docs and Google's Picasa Photo service. It'll take a while to get all my goodies up and running over here, so be patient. I should be back to regular posting by mid next week, hopefully.
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Who cares about Smitherman anyway?

I mean, really folks... what's with all the hubbub around Smitherman? He was a wackjob the last time around, and we haven't seen him change much, so what does it matter if he's the prez of the NAACP or not? Let him stay on as prez for all I care - he'll never get elected again to Council again (I can't believe we're THAT stupid).

('nuff said.)
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New Tenant for Simone's Space

Apparently a new tenant is going in to the spot where Simone's was. Great. Another f**king tapas bar.
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AHA: Restaurant Patrons

I was at Javier's the other day, a great little downtown eatery, and what should have been a simple process to get my food, was hindered by a bunch of AssHats. If you've never been to Javier's, it works much like most other burrito shops (Chipotle and the like) or a Subway: your order is taken and paid for, then the line takes you past the staff as they put the finishing touches on your meal and they ask you about your choice of salsa, cheese, veggies, etc.

Well, no less than seven people ahead of me in line decided that they were special and left the line to sit down at a table while their meal was being prepared. Honestly, the average wait during busy times is usually no more than two minutes. But since they walked away, the staff had to call out their numbers when their orders were up before they could finish customizing them. Of course these morons didn't pay attention at all, so they had to call out the order numbers again and again before they responded.

Some of them were so oblivious, the employee behind the counter actually had to go out to get a few of them at their tables. But the best part was the table of five that repeated this process over and over: even after the first idiot had to be yelled at across the dining room before responding, the rest of the table still didn't pay attention. In all it probably added an extra ten minutes to everyone standing behind them in line. Oh, yeah, and they were rude about it too.

This falls in line with a trend I've noticed recently of people acting very self-centered in public spaces, especially noticeable in restaurants. More and more I'm seeing signs at order counters (like the one at Habanero's in Clifton) that insist that patrons cease to use their cellphone while ordering. Have you ever been stuck behind this bitch in line?

"I can't believe that bitch said that sh*t about me. I'm gonna... oh, hang on - Yeah, I want two Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers - Naw Chantele, I'm not talking to you - an' a small fry an' a small Frosty an' - Bitch shut up, I'm tryin' to order myself somefin' to eat - an' a 99 cent fruit punch - I said shut the hell up. Can't you tell I'm gettin' food?! What? How much? Hang on, I only got five... then don't gimme the fry. How much would that be then? - I can't BELIEVE he said that! Giiirl, you gotta get rid of - Yeah, I want lotsa ketchup an' salt - (screams/laughs into phone) NO HE DI-IN'T! You tell that..." (and it goes on)

Every now and then you get some ballsy chick behind the counter who won't put up with that sh*t and either refuses to take their order until they get off the phone or just moves on to the next person in line until the cellphone princess gets off. I love it when that happens.

So this week's AssHatAward goes to the seven self-centered f**ks that screwed up everyone's lunch hour at Javier's and to all the rude bastards that don't think of anyone but themselves in public environments like restaurants. Don't forget to shove your cellphones up your asses, so you can take calls easily.
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AHA: AssHatAward

So, I thought of another motivating item/task to help me keep the blurg regular: another award to give. Like the BullSh*tMeter, the AssHatAward will be given out every few weeks to a deserving local guy or lady. For the slower gazelles in the group, allow me to explain...

The Urban Dictionary defines asshat as:

"One who has their head up their ass. Thus wearing their ass as a hat."

That, I assure you, is the most simple and concise definition UD has to offer. For a great laugh, read the other 22 definitions.

So, on some sort of regular basis (hopefully) I will be awarding some "winner" with great honor. Stay tuned!
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Rush-hour Sex

Ok. You caught me. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. What's a girl to do when she's not wearing pants?

But seriously folks, did they get to finish? I mean, if you got the minerals to try a stunt like this, at 4:57pm on a Wednesday no less, the cop should at least let you get your nut off before taking you away to the loony bin.
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Who is that masked person?

Wow. I never really thought my identity would be the subject of so much speculation. Jebus. The blurg's only been going for like a month and people are already spending most of their time here commenting on who they think I am.

Not that there's a ton of people reading this, but you three really need to get a life!

I've made a few updates to the FAQ, but I doubt it will quell your incessant guessing. I can tell you this, I'm NOT Joe Wessels, as one of you insists. He has his own page where he pretty much speaks his mind (as well as in his articles), so I doubt he'd need an anonymous blog to get his point across. Though I'm complemented that you think I might actually be someone who's a professional writer. I can't imagine getting paid for the crap that spews from my keyboard.
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Post Closing - Were they still open?

Who still actually reads the Post anyway? Or should I say, who actually buys the Post? Apparently there are a few blue hairs that still get it.

I do read the occasional article or two online, but that's usually because someone links to it from their blog. I don't go out of my way to read either the Enquirer or the Post, I usually just use my blog surfing as an aggregate of the interesting news that's important enough to get noticed. I'm like Dubya that way: I use y'all as my 'filters.'

The JOA pretty much sealed their fate years ago, so I'm surprised they've lasted this long. Plus they hired that Wessels character, and that can't be good for anyone.
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Nixon in China

Ouch. That was painful. Thank goodness I got the tickets on a discount. We left after the first act. And we weren't the only ones - there was a steady stream of people exiting and going for their cars.

I heard from a friend who stayed for the whole thing and she wished that she had been with someone who wanted to leave because she would have left at the first intermission as well.

Who thought that opera was a good idea?
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Washington Platform Reopens

On Friday the 13th. After having two cars crash into them on separate occassions, these guys really know how to tempt fate. Good luck! (I'll be waiting a bit before I dine there again, and won't be sitting in a window seat when I do.)
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Best? of Shadowbox

So last night we saw the "Best of Shadowbox" at the Shadowbox Cabaret. If that's their best, they really need to do some work. I guess I just didn't drink enough to find all their re-re-recycled bits funny.

I know that the show is supposed to be a replay of all their funniest bits, but most of their actually humorous stuff is a re-hash of the same jokes, only slightly updated over the years. Like the perennial favorite, "guy telling a scary story with a flashlight under his face while other guy pantomimes." It was a funny bit the first three times you did it, because you kept changing the stories from show to show, but after a while the whole motif gets old and even your new "A material" sounds worn out.

And the music is done very well, but there's nothing special about it anymore. The fact that these guys have to do the same seven or eight songs every night for the run of the show really comes across - they're totally phoning it in, especially by the end of the night. A few years back I felt the music was one of the strongest points of a Shadowbox show, but now it feels like they're just going through the motions. They really do very little to put their own stamp on the pieces. I know Holiday Inn lounge acts with more passion.

It was nice to see a bunch of new faces in the cast, but most of them were completely under utilized. They better start mixing them in a lot more, since the veteran members are definitely losing their spirit.
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Coffee Emporium needs to stay open longer

So Coffee Emporium (OTR) extended their hours until 6pm on weekdays, but are still at 4pm on Saturdays, and not open Sundays at all. I wish they were open later, as I hate to have pack up my sh*t and find another place to use wifi or go home. And their Hyde Park location doesn't have any better hours.

At least I can kinda get wifi at Kaldi's via Main Street's Lily Pad cloud - if I make an extra antenna out of my silverware, and sit in the front window. Shame I can't get food there in the evenings any more.

And people wonder why locally-owned downtown businesses struggle, yet chain restaurants in the suburbs flourish. Well take Starbucks/Panera for example: at all available hours you see people there using their laptops. Well, their hours are consistent, and they have solid wifi connections.
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Artworks Summer Program

Artworks' summer program is in full-swing. Most events are free and open to the public. Check out what this great organization offers to kids for much of the summer!
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Corruption Kills, or It Should

Let's start killing OUR public officials when they're convicted of corruption. LOVE the idea. We could start the death sentences at the top and work our way down. Washington would be pretty empty, but it's a good beginning. Would anyone even notice? Would there be a current politician left?
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BSM: New Downtown Hotspots

A few in particular come to mind, but I'm sure there's others that I'm not thinking of and more to come. Let's just talk about Bang Nightclub, Cadillac Ranch, Lodge Bar, Sully's and McFadden's. One might see all these bars as a positive step in the continued development of downtown. These are the new "hotspots." But what do they really bring to the city?

Well, they're pretty generic in their personality. Sully's and McFaddens are basically sports bars with lots of dark wood and brass. Whoopty sh*t. Their appearance may be an attempt at upscale, but a constant barrage of TVs (tuned to sports, mostly) really kills that "refined" atmosphere.

Then there's the Lodge Bar and the Cadillac Ranch which I can only describe as "redneck chic," - I blame NASCAR for this sh*t. If you want a real country bar then grow a pair and go to Bobby Mackey's. But DJs and live music with no country bands don't a country bar make, just cuz you got tacky hick sh*t on the walls. Does this LOOK like a country crowd?

Bang - which is basically the same sh*t as Club Klau and whatever the hell it was after that - and other clubs like it remind me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies, The Fisher King:

"I told you about these people. They only mate with their own kind. It's yuppie inbreeding. That's why they're retarded and wear the same clothes. They don't feel love. They only negotiate love moments. They're evil, Edwin. They're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal... everything that America stands for! They must be stopped before it's too late. It's us or them."

Funny thing is, after re-reading that bit from the script, I'm thinking it applies all of these bars. You've got five bars that are so pathetic in their concept that they're excellent at attracting a pathetic crowd. Great, that's just what we need more of downtown (or in any neighborhood): pretty sheep.

The only hope we have is all that all these places can help bring critical mass downtown so that a wider audience is willing to come down and see all the other great places and things to do that downtown has to offer.

So this week's BullSh*tMeter goes to the "yuppie watering holes" (also another quote from Fisher King) that are pockmarking our urban landscape. I wish you luck and success, as I wish any business downtown prosperity - but I'll be avoiding your bullsh*t like the plague. My boots are only thigh-highs.
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